Wednesday, July 15, 2009

The Big Man Syndrome

In 1995 I was standing at the Postoffice in Ngoa Ekelle trying to cash the 50 French francs one of my father’s friends had sent to me from France. A gentleman came from nowhere and walked straight to the chef de post’s office. He had met many of us standing on the line waiting for our turn but he passed us and went straight into the office. After some time he came out, smiled at me and went his way. I then turned and asked my neighbor (the guy next to me) if he knew that guy. He said; ah ah you don’t know that is a Big Man. At once I remembered that there is something I call The Big Man Syndrome.

You know you are a big man when you have a car but your chauffeur drives you around while you sit on the right hand side in the back seat.

You know you are a Big Man when you go to places but other people go and call women for you.

You know you are a Big Man when your goods are cleared at the Port without you coming to the port.

You know you are a Big Man when your wife puts to birth even though she does not come to the Meeting but your house is full.

You know you are a Big Man when you are bereaved and people cry without resting, you beg them but they refuse to stop crying.

You know you are a Big Man when the teacher spends more time teaching your stupid child than he does on other kids.

You know you are a Big Man when you easily find an organ for transplant when there are others waiting for years without getting even a fly.

You know you are a Big Man when no matter how you come late you will always have a special front seat in Church.

You know you are a Big Man when you show up at the Postoffice and walk straight to the manager, give him your package and an envelope to do the posting for you.

You know you are a Big Man when you never stand on the line no matter how short it is.

You know you are a Big Man when even after you die people are still afraid to tell you the truth.

You know you are an African Big Man when your coat sits there on your office chair while you are in a beer parlor.

You know you are a Big Man when you take people’s land and no one does you anything.

You know you are a Big Man or have a Big Man in your family when if you get arrested for a crime they instead blame the arresting officer and then ask him to apologize.

You know you are a Big Man when you can order for someone to be locked up even without them committing a crime talk less of even judging them.

You know you are a Big Man when you always find a seat in every occasion no matter how full it is.

Unfortunately, the Big Man carries excrement in his stomach too like the small man. Did you hear me well? I said the Big Man too carries excrement in his stomach and urinates too. The Big Man can only sleep on one bed and in one room at a time. The Big Man has only one penis. Look; the Big man wears his pant the same way the small man does. So what is this Big Man Syndrome all about?

Until then, your Big Man starts and ends with you!

Prince & PA Hamilton Ayuk.

“Bonyfish beware because the same net that caught the jawless fish, caught the cartilaginous fish” (Hamilton Ayuk).
Beware earthly paradise seekers because there is a serpent in every paradise"(Hamilton Ayuk).


  1. "Shit", this is the first time I see you use a vulgar word and I wonder if that's intentional or you were in lack of other words. If that is the case, here's a list of that you can pick from: excrement, stool, defecation, feces...
    You're welcome!!

  2. I used it intentionally to show how worthless the Big Man too is. Perhaps I will go back to put it in inverted commas opene and close

  3. I just went and changed the whole thing and used your excrement.

  4. This is a good article for our consumption. Very comical indeed.

    Keep it up man.

    Tata Asok Akebe.


  5. Thanks Tata Asok Akebe. The Mpiansok of GA; the man who sees with the back of his head; the youngest title holder and the man whose ears pick sounds a thousand miles.
    I am flattered to read from you.


Is There a contradiction between Deut 24:16 and Ex 34:7?

I keep reading people talk of contradictions. Is there really a contradiction between these two verses?