Sunday, June 25, 2017

“Do Americans understand what adultery is? What is Adultery? I was wondering if adultery is the same everywhere.”

From the movie: Adulterers. 
“Do Americans understand what adultery is? What is Adultery? I was wondering if adultery is the same everywhere.”

The seventh of the Ten Commandments states, “Thou shalt not commit adultery (Ex 20: 14).” The Ten Commandments is moral law; and moral law transcends cultures and ages. Consequently, adultery should be the same everywhere; albeit, it may have some cultural underpinnings. This lesson will define and demonstrate what adultery is, and it will use two case studies to show the errancy. Americans have a convoluted notion of Adultery. They think that adultery is when a married man has sex out of marriage.
However, it is important to realize the part that culture can play. If a spouse accepts her partner to have sex out of marriage, that is not adultery. It will correspond to the examples of Abraham and Jacob. Those are cultural examples.
Ab initio, adultery was when a married woman (not man) had consensual sex out of marriage; meanwhile, it was adultery to the man if he had consensual sex with a married woman. While the woman committed adultery just having consensual sex out of marriage, the man committed adultery only when he had consensual sex with a married woman. This definition explains why when the woman was caught in flagrant adultery, she was the one they wanted to lapidate and not her and the man (Jn 8: 4-5). It is probable that the man was married himself. The married man could have sex with a slave girl or housemaid, and it was not adultery. As a result, Abraham had sex with Hagar, and it was not considered adultery (Gen 16:1-4). We see the same practice when Jacob had sex with his handmaid: Bilhah (Gen 30:1-5). The married man could even have sex with a prostitute, and it was still not considered adultery. When Judah, in his search to sleep with a prostitute instead got Tamar: his daughter in-law pregnant, he was not faced with the punishment of death (Gen 38: 1-8). It was immoral (Gen 38:  26-27), but it was not a crime. This practice will continue until the days of Jesus, when he will upgrade it to be sex out of marriage for both men and women (Mt 5:27-28).
Adultery breaks the wedlock you put on the door against all other men and women on the day you were getting married because marriage is a bond in love that is sexually administered. Marriage is a covenant and not a contract. That is why ceteris paribus, it is unto death do us part. Therefore, when a single or married woman sleeps with a married man, both the woman and the man have committed adultery. In America, it is not so. They have a convoluted notion of adultery. They seem to think that the married man is guiltier than the tryst partner. Suffer that I use only two case studies.
During the Tiger Woods saga, there were many women who came out that they were sleeping with him.  All the ladies knew that Tiger was married, yet they went out with him. When it was exposed, Talk show hosts were honoring the ladies and paying them to appear on shows to tell their stories. They were glorifying the adulteresses, or perhaps they were glorifying their stories of adulteries. Do they forget that these women were adulteresses? No, it is just the way they see adultery. No matter how rich or popular the man is; it is still adultery, if he is married. I don't understand then why these women sleep with married men, yet they have tell all books coming out, which actually end up being bestsellers. That is a secret you take to the grave! 
With your permission, I will use the current situation with Bill Cosby. Many women say how they slept with Bill Cosby. They knew that he was married, yet they still went to bed with him. The popular opinion is that he is a bad person. Adultery is like a Tango dance; you can only dance with a partner.
Neither Tiger nor Cosby could have committed adultery by themselves; however, the fact that the women with whom they committed adultery are the ones lifted up the pedestal, it is wicked and callous.
Cosby’s harem in their quest for financial windfall and fame, accepted financial largess from him, called him 73 times, called him twice on Valentine’s Day to wish him one and visited him with bath salt, and they had sex many more times with him after they have claimed he assaulted them. This should be enough to discredit a woman in a country that sees adultery differently from the US. The burden is not only on the married man; it is also on the unmarried woman. She is an accomplice in breaking that bond.
If you do not have shame, at least you should have self-respect for yourself and keep it a secret. Adultery is one of those secrets you should take to your grave. The Americans do not see it that way; that is why they praise the unmarried women who were sleeping with the married man for coming out. Otherwise, why do TV hosts invite them to get such huge ratings? The fact that Bill Cosby even had a mistrial shows that the majority accept and condone the behavior of those women.
Nonetheless, when you commit adultery, you should confess ONLY to God, except if you were caught in the act. Are you shocked that I said that? You should walk with me slowly. Many people interpret James 5:16 wrongly. The verse says, “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much (James 5:16).” This verse refers to character weaknesses. Those internal struggles we have. This is not in relation to sinning against one another.
It is a requirement to share our weaknesses, so we can pray and sustain each other. It is not about confessing our sins to one another. Furthermore, Jesus said, “Therefore, if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;  Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift (Mt. 5:23-24). This is for sins or peccadilloes that can be redeem with restitution. There cannot be any restitution with adultery, so you cannot and should not make any direct confession, except if your spouse caught you in bed and saw it himself or herself. Otherwise, it is like digging a big hole to fill a small one. You remembered that your brother has an issue against you. That means, he knows it. Else, we are saying that, if we do not confess all our sins to those we have hurt, then we cannot go to heaven. Who did the thief on the cross confess to before going to paradise with Jesus?
 If you sinned directly against someone and they know it, then you should stop your godly sacrifice, go to them and make peace. The keyword here is “Knowledge.” This is a sin that they are aware.
God locks the covenant and not your partner. That is why you confess to God and not to your partner in this case. Sins that we can make restitution are the sins for which we confess to one another and make it right. When Zacchaeus confessed to those whom he extorted, he paid them back fourfold (Lk 19:8). If you slept with someone out of marriage and you confessed to your spouse, you still cannot make it right. Will you restore your penis or vagina? That is why the Psalmist says, “Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest (Ps. 51: 4).” God is the one who holds the bond, so each party keeps that bond to him and not to the other party. That is why people who know about marriage, know that a successful marriage is not 50/50. It is giving your best to God in that marriage.
Most couples I have known who committed adultery and told their partners, they ended up losing the marriage. Adultery is not an unforgivable sin, but some people never forgive the sin of adultery, no matter what confession their spouse does. Hence, it is unwise to confess in that situation, since it would breach the bond rather than bridge the love.

Until then, adultery is a sin you must take the secret to your grave.

St Arrey of Ntenako. 


“Bonyfish beware because the same net that caught the jawless fish, caught the cartilaginous fish” (Hamilton Ayuk). Beware earthly paradise seekers because there is a serpent in every paradise"(Hamilton Ayuk). "If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable." (I Cor 15:19). "It is not how well you know a person; it is how well you treat them that they will live longer and happier with you." Hamilton Ayuk. Idle people write, idler people read, and idlest people read and whine that idle people are taking their time (Hamilton Ayuk).

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