Saturday, November 26, 2016

Why is domestic violence increasing in the whole country, especially in Arizona, despite all the awareness?

Why is domestic violence increasing in the whole country, especially in Arizona, despite all the awareness?[1]
“How do you know domestic violence is increasing? You always bring bad news but no solutions. When are you going to start providing solutions? You church people are part of the problem.” I have my own weaknesses, but violence or mistreating people is not one of them. While I am not perfect, I am not part of the problem because no woman, anear or afar will tell you I have ever treated her badly. No person who has lived with me can complain of mistreatment. In talking about these things, I am merely bringing awareness. Notwithstanding, these are not my fabrications. Jennifer Marcia of the Trace newspaper writes, “Once Every 16 Hours, An American Woman Is Fatally Shot by a Current or Former Romantic Partner.” I hope that this time you and your cohorts will take them to heart because I have already blogged on domestic violence. Nonetheless, let us consider some factors adding impetus to the permeation of domestic violence.
Evil human nature. The human being is naturally evil. Perhaps to the white women who see me walking towards them and they enter into panic mood because a black man is coming to rape them, they can find solace that the majority of rapists are white men. [2][3] There must be something external to provoke change in people, either God, moeurs or the pride of life. It is not then a surprise to understand why teenagers sometimes tell me that their boyfriends are abusive, yet they still stay around in that toxic relationship. I saw a young man with scratches, and he told me that he and his girlfriend fought.  The human being is naturally a bad person, for we were all born in sin (Ecc. 7:20; Rom 3:23).  We were sharpened in iniquity. Those who are not pruned to altruism or born again harness their evil ways, and that shows up in their treatment of other people. Therefore, people treat other people badly because it is already in the human nature. That is why it is important to be born again. Unfortunately, some of the people who say that they have been born again are more evil than those who have never called the word Jesus Christ with their lips. That is what we call fake religion.
Fake religion.  One of the reasons why domestic violence is 8 times in Arizona than the national average is because the people preach God more than they live him. Many people talk about God more than they live Him. If they lived God as they sang his name, they will at least treat their women right. Is that not a simple logic? When you look at the state, racism is more acute than other places. We are saved by faith and not by works, but works are a manifestation of our regeneration and conversion. If anyone says they know God, they will demonstrate that love for God in the way they treat other people. The way you treat people, especially your own spouse is a sign that you are truly a Christian. Unfortunately, Christian marriages are falling apart just like their non-Christian counterparts that it is difficult now to tell who is a Christian and who is not. The main difference between Christians and non-Christians is that the Christians supposed to be the salt of the earth and the light of the world; unfortunately, some of them emit more darkness and gall. It is not just in words but in action. If we all did that, there will be less domestic violence.
Lack of communication skills. One of the biggest problems is lack of communication skills. People argue about money, property, children, in-laws and it leads to fighting and even death. There is nothing that they cannot talk into a resolution, but they lack those communication skills because they know more of violence. Violence: physical or verbal is the weapon of the weak communicators. Many people nowadays don’t know how to express their points and listen to others express theirs. Young people have embraced this notion that everyone has an opinion, and no one is supposed to kick against the opinions of another person. We live in an era of the itchy ear syndrome when you must only say things that are politically correct. You see, education, formal or informal enriches communication, so many people need to educate themselves. Couples who share communication properly build lasting relationships than the ones whose communication is either a monologue or disjointed. Those who store their hurts in their souls until their entrails become bitter like those of a porcupine only explode later and do not intelligibly express themselves to foster love and bond. If these people will learn how to communicate, they will extend their relationships. These people talk more with strangers on the internet than they talk with their own spouses. Communication increases bond, so lack of communication sets them adrift from each other.  If their wishes cannot make way for them, they resort to violence.
Inability to take adversity. This is a generation we could call “All-Players-Earn-A-Trophy Generation.” Now in most competitions, they offer every participant a trophy or medal for participation so that the losers do not feel inferior and get depressed. You must placate your hearers by not saying anything that remotely may be contentious. These people come into a relationship not ready to hear anything other than their praises. If they lose their jobs or become sick, they do not know how to handle anything, talk less of their own relationships. Every little adversity drives them into depression, and subsequently into medications. As a result, almost every household has a cup or two of medications they take daily. Adversity should not separate lovers; it should bond them more; unfortunately, many people have not learnt how to deal with adversity.  A family that is not bonded together is bound to be violent with each other. You are not always going to win everything, not even every conversation. If they cannot deal with adversity, they turn to violence to seek succor. You should learn to talk out your differences.
Inherited lifestyle. There is continuous domestic violence because the people inherited it from their parents. It is a generational disease. They have grown in families of abuse, so they think it is normal to be abusive, and some are just unaware that they are abusive. You always hear people say that they are acting that way because they were either abused or someone was abusive in their home. They have copied wrong role models. I asked my students what they would do if their wives were to quit them, take part of their wealth because they are rich, and all the boys told me that they will beat her or kill her. Where do you think they got such an idea? They hear their parents’ divorce or see women killed almost every day. Studies show that, “I person dies in Arizona every 3 days.”[4]
Contract (conditioned, temporal, ephemeral) vs Covenant (unconditioned, eternal).  I Cor 7:3-4, Millennials having less sex.[5] Marriage is a bond in love that is sexually administered. That is why desertion is sufficient grounds for divorce (I Cor 7:14-15). Many people confuse contract with covenant. Marriage is a covenant and not a contract. A covenant is a bond between two people unto death do them part. That means, they are in for better or for worse, only death can separate them, no matter the adversity. Examples of adversity include drug addition, love triangles, loss of employment, sickness, and many others. A contract is an agreement that depends on two people keeping their own part of the contract. When you enter into a marriage relationship, it is for life and not only when things are going well. Sadly, many people see it as a contract that quickly vamooses or deserts once reality confronts their idealism. Some even write that, “I was in a marriage where I gave 50% and my spouse did not bring his own 50%.” This utopia leads into divorce because they are disillusioned. In their quest to seek a coping mechanism or even a way out, they embrace violence as their last resort. If many people were coming into relationships and marriage as a covenant, there will be less or no violence at all because you cannot hurt the person you want to spend your entire life with.  In such a relationship ruled by the covenant, character plays a larger role. Keeping the bond does not depend on the other person, it is not 50/50, unlike the current dispensation which believes that for a relationship to be successful, it must be 50/50.
The evil fruits of Carpe Diem.  We live in a culture of Carpe Diem. The culture we now live in does not uphold loyalty as a virtue; it upholds fun over loyalty. Consequently, many are “Living Sick and Dying Young in Rich America.”[6]That is why people leak secrets of their jobs, betray people who trusted them so much because they believe in having fun more than being loyal. Domestic violence keeps increasing because people care much about themselves than others. They watch pornography and try to use the information on their significant others who cannot measure to that illusion sold on the giant screen. This irritates them, and they turn violent. Pornography and other societal vices have added impetus to the increase in domestic violence.
The last but not the least is because the abused neither speak out nor speak up. I still remember when I was a young leader. We visited another leader, and he told us something. We were talking about a scene in church that was caused by another leader's wife. He told us that his wife cannot behave like that. He said to us, " You see my wife sitting there, she is very stubborn. That is her whip over there, pointing at a whip hung behind a picture frame that was hung on the wall. On our way back, the young man asked me, " Saint, did you hear what he said? I told him that I heard very well, but we will take car e of it. One day, I visited him but I met only his wife. She told me that her husband still beat her up. She knew that I was the only one who could bring it in the open without fear or respect of person. She pled with me not to let him know that she told me. I went to him, and I said, " Elder, I heard that you used to beat your wife, and you confirmed it yourself. If I ever hear it again, I will expose it in church. Months later, I asked the wife, and she said, " Thank you so much. He has changed so much and so fast." It is important to expose wife or husband abusers. If you don't do that, they persist with their evil ways, but if you expose them, they may abandon it. 
Therefore, for domestic violence to reduce and finally end, we must be truly born again. That shows in our character and how we treat other people too. We should learn to communicate better. Every human being should understand that adversity will show up in life, but that should drive them closer to the person they love. Parents should serve as better role models for their kids in the way they treat their spouses because your children are watching, and you should not be surprised if they turn abusive. The abused should speak up or speak out to bring attention tot heir plight. You can put this in your tea and rink it, morning and evening or as needed: marriage is a covenant and not a contract. It is for better or for worse and not when things are going fine. It is not only when the money is coming in; it is also when the well dries up. Finally, you should seek virtue over fun, for life is too short to go after short lived enjoyment that bring long term hurt.

“Bonyfish beware because the same net that caught the jawless fish, caught the cartilaginous fish” (Hamilton Ayuk). Beware earthly paradise seekers because there is a serpent in every paradise"(Hamilton Ayuk). "If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable." (I Cor 15:19). "It is not how well you know a person; it is how well you treat them that they will live longer and happier with you." Hamilton Ayuk. Idle people write, idler people read, and idlest people read and whine that idle people are taking their time (Hamilton Ayuk).

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