Sunday, June 21, 2015

"Why are there so many single people but so few marriages in our churches?..."

"Why are there so many single people but so few marriages in our churches? I know you said that you will no more answer questions, but I plead with you to answer this for me."
 The first is the single traditions permeated by the churches. The church is contented with single traditions that keep their members single. In most churches, they have single meetings according to age groups. How many people date only within their age groups? They are not many. Creating age groups and gendered meetings limit the potentials of many singles. For example, most women between the ages of 25-35 will probably marry men out of that age range. Secondly, why organize gendered single meetings, except if all of them are lesbians or homosexuals. It is only when the men and women come together that men will see women, and women will see men. To my knowledge, very few churches have accepted homosexuality, so gendered single groups or meetings are a hazard and a barrier to the singles meeting the opposite sex because they create discouragement and hopelessness, seeing that most of these singles cannot find spouses in that way. Do not take my word for the gospel, you should check it out!
The number of people who met their spouses in church from 2000—present is not up to ¼ of those who found them out of the church. During my time as a youth leader, we observed many marriages because we knew that anyone who was 16 and above could start talking about dating, and they could start to build those relationships. This is where it shows the foolishness in the church wisdom. On the net, most of their members put their profiles open to those same age groups they have been prevented to get. The churches should open their singles from gendered to unisex and ageless groups. There should be single groups from 18-100 and of all genders. The importance of church members getting married is that it starts families and families create communities. Stronger marriages create stronger communities and strong communities will build a stronger church. Many people deceive themselves that a family is an individual his/her dog and his/her child.
The second is the godless Zeitgeist. There is no one to see. There are many singles in churches, but you cannot see them because of the different barriers. I understand that churches are thinking about the safety of their members to differentiate by age and sex, but it does not work if you want people to meet. There is no such practice in the bible. Many people say they do not find the people they want. That is true because the church is discriminating against sexes and ages. People should be left to date and make those determinations. The larger the number that comes to together, the better the chances of their members to get married. Most of these singles talk about dating in front of their parents or families of different age groups. Why differentiate then between the age groups?
One of the responsibilities of the church is to create a conducive environment for their single members to find spouses because then it makes the church stronger. What is happening in America today is the byproducts of dysfunctional families. The church is not the best place to come for singles except for those who are married. If you look well, married people outnumber the single people in church because the single people seem to be outsiders. The single people then spend more time on the internet trying to catch a spouse and then bring him or her to church. Such unions start on wrong footings as such do not last long. Most marriages that started in church lasted longer than those which started outside.
The third is the damage caused by poor hermeneutics. In church, the women want men to run after them; meanwhile, on the internet, they run after men. They put all sorts of pictures, and they write all sorts of profiles to get men. Why don’t they put in church the same efforts they put on the net? Surprisingly, the married women in church tell the single women to wait for their Boaz. That is like “Waiting for Godot” because there is no one that is coming. Ruth made the move for Boaz to see her by going to work for him in the field (Ruth 2: 1). Furthermore, she went to sleep at his feet for him to redeem her (Ruth 3:8).  That was faith as it is defined, "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen (Heb 11:1)."For example, if you go to a church and see someone you like, you should move to their pew, sit, exchange greetings and later conversations. from there you could ask for their number. You cannot sit a thousand miles apart, yet you want them to meet you. Ladies, you make the first move  because guys are usually too shy in situations like that. Guys and girls, you should not be afraid of rejection. A man or a woman has only one answer to give you; yes, you hang around and no, you keep moving. Some of the women will even tell you to keep moving. I remember how years ago I went to talk to this girl during a wedding. After telling her what my intent was, she asked me if I was done. and then she said, "You can keep moving."Hahahahaha!
You must know that not making any move while you wait for your Boaz is either faithlessness or presumptuousness because, “without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him (Heb 11:6)." By going to that single meeting with all these singles, we meet and chat. It is like a market fair where everyone comes to either buy or to sell. All these nonsensical and childish meetings where people organize single meetings in homes of 3 in a church that counts hundreds is just beyond any sane reasoning. In coming together, these singles start to know each other and that creates a platform for them to interact out of the church to build their relationships. That will be the time for them to exchange numbers and emails to see what they could build together. The church must change its method and style of doing things. It is not faith; it is plain foolishness!
Therefore, if churches want to maximize the chances of their singles to get married, they must make church grounds marriage ready, they must change some church traditions on dating, and they must apply the scripture properly. It is wrong to have so many singles in our churches but so few of them finding spouses in the church. That is why there are so many divorces now in churches that make it difficult to differentiate between a Christian and a non-Christian. It is even pathetic to see mega churches with so many singles but very few marriages. Marriages stabilize not only a church, they also stabilize a community.

Until then, I hope I did not hurt your feelings.

St Arrey of Ntenako.



“Bonyfish beware because the same net that caught the jawless fish, caught the cartilaginous fish” (Hamilton Ayuk). Beware earthly paradise seekers because there is a serpent in every paradise"(Hamilton Ayuk). "If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable." (I Cor 15:19). "It is not how well you know a person; it is how well you treat them that they will live longer and happier with you." Hamilton Ayuk. Idle people write, idler people read, and idlest people read and whine that idle people are taking their time (Hamilton Ayuk).

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