Monday, November 10, 2014

“Is it biblical for a man to run after a woman because my pastor said that it is the way God made it? I don't know if I should still run after her”


I was wondering if I had not answered a similar question. You should search on the blog. I will say no. It is even a sign of a curse when it is even the woman who is running after a man. I see many women running after men who do not want them, simply because they are calculating something from the man. The same thing goes with men who run after women who don’t want them. I will like to see what passage of the Bible that your pastor uses to  form his doctrine. I know that single women pastors or women who are calculating something else are the ones with mostly that doctrine.  I think I have answered a similar question like this before, so I will not belabor the point. However, let me say why. Many people, including your pastor mistake showing interest and asking a woman out with running after her. By the way, the Bible has not limited it only for men to ask women out. Firstly, the parents could decide for the kids (Gen 21:21; 24: 24; 38:6, Gen 29; Judges 14:2). The man could ask the woman (Gen 29 and Gen 2). The woman could ask the man (Gen 38:11-30; Ruth 3). Therefore, there is no reason why the man has to run after the woman.

I went to pray for a lady one day, and she introduced her husband to me. I asked her how they met. She said this, “I went to a Pizza Hut to order some pizza. There was a gentleman standing right there by my side. The cashier asked me what I wanted. I pointed to him and said, ‘him.’ We exchanged addresses and two months later, we were married. Since then we have been married now for 38 years.” All the people I know who have been married for long and are happy were not into this chasing game. They saw someone they liked, and they went for them.

Consequently, if you see a woman who wants you to run after her, it is one who does not know what she wants. She is one of those women whose bodies are on earth, but their minds are in fairylands. They hear a lot of fairytales. 

The other day, I visited one school, and some 7th graders were laughing so hard in the computer lab. I asked why they were laughing, and one of them said that the other one is looking at her boyfriend. She has a musician boyfriend with 6 packs whom she is in love with. She even knows his songs. One of them said to her, “He does not even know that you exist.” Many women take those imaginary qualities, and they start to look  for them in normal people. 

Therefore, I will tell you this. If you give her a number or email to reach you and you show her interested, but she does not reciprocate, leave her alone. I read a paragraph in a letter that a student wrote one time. She said, “I love you, even if you do not love me back.” That is dysfunctional love! This is what we call commensalism relationship. That is why you see the rate of divorce too high nowadays because people tell you that they have fallen in love. The right relationship should be mutualism. True love must be both refractive and reflective. The fire from that type of love never quenches. That is why some are married for years, and they are always happy so much so that when one partner dies, the other follows after a short time.

If you fall in love, you will get back up and go away, but if you enter into a relationship, you will live there. Marriage requires a volition and a proper mindset for it to start and last longer. You must decide to enter into a relationship. If a woman does not want to do so, you should leave her alone. You should never run after any woman, and you should not make any woman to run after you either. If she wants a relationship, you guys should do it. If she is not ready and wants to fly in the sky and go as far as heaven,  let her go. When she gets tired of flying and going no where, she will land back to earth. If you are still around, then you could go again and make one more try. 

Therefore, I will advise you to go to the person who wants you. Sometimes I ask myself why anyone will be stalking someone who does not want them. Even if the woman does not tell you directly that she does not want you, if you see those signs, leave her alone and talk to the next person. Go after a person who knows what they want and shows you that they want you. You should never chase a shadow in the name of love! 

Until then,  I hope that I answered your question. 

St Arrey of Ntenako. 

“Bonyfish beware because the same net that caught the jawless fish, caught the cartilaginous fish” (Hamilton Ayuk). Beware earthly paradise seekers because there is a serpent in every paradise"(Hamilton Ayuk). "It is not how well you know a person; it is how well you treat them that they will live longer and happier with you." Idle people write, idler people read, and idlest people read and whine that idle people are taking their time (Hamilton Ayuk).

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