Saturday, September 20, 2014

Domestic Violence: A Testament of Familyquakes.

Look, I feel very sorry for American women. Everyday they are in the news because they are now the punching bags of their men. I have said it before, and I will say it again; American men do not know how to treat their women. Before you get mad that it is happening in other corners of the globe, you should ask yourself if those places have ever tried to teach you how to live. America has been the one trying to serve as a moral compass, but she always fails when the roll is called up. In addition, one would expect that rate of barbarism in an uncivilized society and not in a First World. What type of education are these people getting? On September 1, 2014, the Arizona daily Star reported that, “San Francisco 49ers defensive tackle Ray McDonald was arrested early Sunday on felony domestic violence charges...”[1] On September 17, CNN reported that, “Arizona Cardinals backup running back Jonathan Dwyer was arrested in connection with domestic abuse allegations, Phoenix police said Wednesday night.”[2]I am not going to make you depressed this morning, but if you will want to drink your own poison, you can read the news for these past seven days. The picture on domestic violence is graphic and pathetic! It is a testament of a familyquake
Despite the fact that domestic violence is in the news every day and the usual unison of, “kill him, bury him under the sea, castrate him,” it is increasing. That means, lex tellionis does not reform; it only deforms and adds more fuel into the fire. Just yesterday I witnessed one myself as the lady jumped out weeping. I asked her if she needed my help, but she ignored me, and the man was calling her honey. What a messed up culture! They reminded me of the Beti tribe in Cameroon where if the man does not beat the woman, she will say that he does not love her. Nonetheless, why is domestic violence instead increasing? There is never a day now that you don’t read about domestic abuse. 
There is an African proverb that says that, "If a man does not find out what killed his father, that same thing will kill him too."  Americans refuse to consult history for reminders. There is a reason the Bible says, “Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen…..”[3] Where did all this begin that young people (both male and female) are too angry and violent these days? A few weeks ago I was visiting a school and a young man came to share with me how my speech had transformed him. He said, “The last time you were here, I used to be very angry, but I have learnt to control myself.” When he told me that he used to be very angry, I asked him why. He told me that he had a lot of things going on, especially the fact that he has been growing up without seeing his dad. His mother’s boyfriend is not doing better as they are always fighting. He feels like his father did a great evil to him because he should have come and taken him out of that place. Therefore, one major reason of domestic violence is the absence of a male figure in homes. [4]
The increase in divorce rates is not doing us justice too. Most kids do not recover from divorces even if their parents do. The Institute for Marriage and Public Policy (iMAPP) concluded that, “Teens and adults raised in single-parent families are at increased risk of committing crimes.”[5] It does not mean that marriage families do not raise those opportunities; it simply means that single families are better breeding grounds for angry and violent behaviors, and domestic violence is one of them. ABC News reports, “Vice President Joe Biden said Friday the nation needs to bring young men into the struggle against domestic violence by encouraging them to stand against the crime on college campuses.”[6] The only problem is that the majority of these young men are angry themselves. They should be taught on how to treat people. This has nothing to do with religion as some church men treat their wives worst. Teach them to treat people right! 
The third one is lack of proper role models. The society cherishes materialism over virtue; after all, the end justifies the means. They are all copycats of the violent culture. Take for example, a video that has gone viral is the video of a white male who seizes the microphone from a news anchor and said that, “fuck her right in the pussy.”[7] Would a decent culture enjoy such a video? The actor and the distributor would be ashamed in a normal and virtuous society. There is lack of role models and mentors. The guy is hailed as a hero! I have often told my students that I want them to look at me as their role model. That has contributed to my behavior because I have to set a better example. 
The violent women who exploit the weakness and one sidedness of the law are to blame too. It is not as if the women do not commit domestic violence; they do as you can ask Hope Solo.[8] However, the men are more the culprits in this crime because their force is usually disproportionate to the offence of the girlfriend or wife. You see, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” Most of the women in domestic abuse cases contributed in them because they struck the man first or nagged him all day long that he just exploded. Just as the woman in this video said, “If  a woman hits a man, she should expect to be hit back.[9]
Nonetheless, violence, whether physical or verbal is the weapon of the weak communicator. Young people are not taught to win their discussions by using their intellect. If someone holds a contrary view to theirs, they vacate the conversation or resort to ad hominems. Their verbal violent cliché is usually, “fuck you!” Physical violence will subsequently follow next. Look, if you have a point, why don’t you make it? That questions the type of education we are receiving nowadays. It is one of relativism; everybody is right, and no one is wrong. Children must be taught that we know in part; therefore, we should not get angry if someone disagrees with us. Otherwise, we are saying that we are infallible, so we know it all. Even if we killed all the men on earth, there will still be domestic violence as you have seen it in lesbian households. Consequently, the solution is not in trying to deform the male perpetrators; the key is in reforming them. Draconian measures have never reformed any society; they have kept it like a boiling cauldron that explodes with the least opportunity. Therefore, we must work to keep long lasting and happy marriages so our boys can grow with their fathers at home, be the right role models, teach our daughters to curb aggressive tendencies and finally develop an equitable society that seeks to reform rather than deform.

Until then, I just wish everyone a happy life on earth. 

 St Arrey of Ntenako. 







[1] "NFL Notes: 49er Arrested on Domestic Violence Charge." Arizona Daily Star. N.p., 01 Sept. 2014. Web. 20 Sept. 2014.
[2] Almasy, Steve, AnneClaire Stapleton, and Shane Deitert. "Arizona Cardinals Player Arrested on Domestic Violence Allegations." CNN. Cable News Network, 01 Jan. 1970. Web. 20 Sept. 2014.
[3] "Revelation 2:5 Consider How Far You Have Fallen! Repent and Do the Things You Did at First. If You Do Not Repent, I Will Come to You and Remove Your Lampstand from Its Place." Revelation 2:5 Consider How Far You Have Fallen! Repent and Do the Things You Did at First. If You Do Not Repent, I Will Come to You and Remove Your Lampstand from Its Place. N.p., n.d. Web. 20 Sept. 2014.
[4] "Children Benefit from Two-Parent Families." Familiescom. N.p., n.d. Web. 20 Sept. 2014.
[5] Institute For Marriage And Public Policy. Can Married Parents Prevent Crime? Recent Research on Family Structure and Delinquency 2000-2005 (n.d.): n. pag. Web.
[6] Press, Ken Thomas Associated. "Biden: Young Men Need to Stand Against Violence." ABC News. ABC News Network, n.d. Web. 20 Sept. 2014.
[7] "All 3 " Fuck Her Right In The Pussy " Videos." YouTube. N.p., n.d. Web. 20 Sept. 2014.
[8] Sports, Scott Gleeson. "Hope Solo Arrested on Domestic Violence Charge."USA Today. Gannett, 22 June 2014. Web. 20 Sept. 2014.
[9] "Ravens Fans Continue to Support Rice." YouTube. N.p., n.d. Web. 20 Sept. 2014.

“Bonyfish beware because the same net that caught the jawless fish, caught the cartilaginous fish” (Hamilton Ayuk). Beware earthly paradise seekers because there is a serpent in every paradise"(Hamilton Ayuk). "It is not how well you know a person; it is how well you treat them that they will live longer and happier with you." Idle people write, idler people read, and idlest people read and whine that idle people are taking their time (Hamilton Ayuk).

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