Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Should A Wife Have Love For A Cheating Husband?

Cheating Spouses holding hands
This question came from Pat Robertson’s show where a lady asked him what she should do because her husband had cheated on her, but she does not know how to deal with it even though she has forgiven him. This is an except in one lady’s reply on Rawstory, “What people miss is the fact that divorce is only a man's option. Women didn't have the right to divorce husbands, they were owned by them.” Karie Ryan Ordway. I am using her answer because she was basing her fallacy from the Bible.  

Both her isagogics and hermeneutics on divorce are faulty. There are stages in hermeneutics: exegesis, application and illustration that she missed. At the level of exegesis, you will consider the exposition, morphology, tradition, culture and customs of a place at the time the writing took place. Then you apply what you have to the current people to make it culturally relevant as the Bible was neither written nor applied in a vacuum. The application of divorce recommendations changed from being the male monopoly to both male and female as they are made equal with the death of Christ (Gal 3:28; col 3:11; Acts 2:17). That is when I Corinthians 7 comes into play. You see that in this chapter, it is not only the man who decides if they are leaving, a woman too can. You see that it is not only the man who decides when to have or abstain from sex, it must be by mutual consent. If women were not considered, it would not have given them the alternatives to choose.

By advocating forgiveness for an adulterous spouse, the individual is merely applying the ethos of true Christianity. The "Beatitudes" and the "Sermon on the Mount" (Mt 5-7) are like the constitution of every practicing Christian. In it, Jesus changed the three strikes you are out into 490 times a day, virtually making it impossible to harbor a grudge or rancor against an offensive person in so far as they ask for forgiveness and abandon their evil.
What is monnaie courant nowadays is the lack of forgiveness in marriages, echoed best by the bachelors and spinsters and also the professional divorcees. Who would you consult if you were to run a race:  someone who has never run a race, someone who has lost every race he or she has run, or  would you consult someone who has won all his/her races? Who would you consult if you were searching for the best way to keep your car for long: someone who has never owned a car, someone who has messed up every car they have owned, or  would you consult someone who has kept the same car for donkey years? Which study group do you think would be helpful if you were preparing for an exam? The one made of people who have no clue about the exam, the one made of disgruntled people who have taken and failed the exam one or more times, or would you join the one made up of people who have taken and passed the exam? That is the same way marriage is. Many people are consulting the wrong people (even if they are specialists) to keep their marriages afloat. Consult people who have experienced marital success. 

To divorce is not a guarantee that the next option will be better. At times people have left from the frying pan into the fire. Relationships are like plants; at times they try to die, so you have to put manure, prone the tree and then add more water. In short, you pay it more attention until it starts again to blossom. For it to blossom to a very healthy level that it does not need too much work, one has to pay more attention at the initial stages. Sometimes, your ground is just not fertile, although it looked fertile. We have already decided to farm, we have invested in the seeds and the land, so we have to try our utmost best to make it produce crops for us. We cannot start jumping from one farm to another. That way we will die perpetually farming and never ever being able to enjoy the fruits of our labor. That is why some men and women are like grasshoppers. 

Until then, I wish those who are having bad marriages a happy one.

St Arrey of Ntenako.



“Bonyfish beware because the same net that caught the jawless fish, caught the cartilaginous fish” (Hamilton Ayuk). Beware earthly paradise seekers because there is a serpent in every paradise"(Hamilton Ayuk). "It is not how well you know a person; it is how well you treat them that they will live longer and happier with you." Idle people write, idler people read, and idlest people read and whine that idle people are taking their time (Hamilton Ayuk).

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