Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Should the Woman Be The Head of Household If She Is The Bread Winner?

No one can pretend there is joy in a broken marriage, an unhappy home or a dysfunctional family. Marriages have gone kaput, and dreams have gone aflame because of the conflict between husband and wife jostling for the position of Head of Household (HOH). Many have argued that the person who is making more money or who is working should be the HOH. Today, I will define certain words and show the Bible’s position on who should be the HOH. This poses problems only when the woman is married. In single parent homes, the parent is automatically the HOH. We do not consider homosexual homes as households. A sand castle is to a real home what a lesbian home is to a heterosexual home because the foundation of a real home is built on one man and one woman or one man and many wives. Although homosexuals live married lives, they are not different from illegal immigrants in a country. They lack the proper credentials to live as husband and wife. That does not mean that I am against gay marriage. If you want to even marry a dog, that is your right, but I am not obliged to consider it marriage. Concubinage homes are not households either; they fall in the same category with the homosexual ones. A concubinage home is to a real home what a toy gun is to a real gun.  A single parent HOH is an unusual HOH as the Bible says that it is not good that a man should live alone. 
Some people will say that the Bible is antiquated. It is preposterous to consider the Bible as outdated or a Stone Age book. By virtue of the fact that it is still used today and interpreted in many more languages shows its relevance and impossibility to be redundant. While cultures were of a particular group of people in the past, the concepts are as relevant as any other concept. Surprisingly, you still read and apply the philosophies of Aristotle (384) and Plato (428 BC) who came before Jesus and the Bible.  
 The reason why homosexual homes are not considered as matrimonial homes is because marriage is between a male and a female and nothing less and nothing more. No one is ruling and no one is following. They are either two males or two females. Our people say that if anyone thinks he or she is leading, but there is no one following them behind, he/she is merely taking a walk. In leadership, there must be a leader and at least a follower.  That does not mean people are not free to marry as they want. The concubinage home is more an illegal union because they are stealing. They want to live like married couples but do not want to fulfill the requirements. It is worth noting that a concubinage home is not a Common Law Marriage (CLM).
The Bible does not have a problem with homes where polygamy: polyandry or polygyny is practiced. In the case of polyandry, the first husband was usually the head of the household, so there was no problem.
The argument that the HOH has evolved is bunkum. The evolution of races and people is unfounded because there is no mutation per se. Even in evolution, there is no permanent change in DNA (mutation) as no monkey actually changed into a human. If there is any mutation, there is one within the species. In this context, society transforms and develops with time but not the individuals per se. The human body has remained the same as men are men and women are women. The physiology and anatomy of both sexes despite time has remained unchanged. Furthermore, the concepts about marriage transcend cultures and time. Thus, the theory of mutation is still untenable.  The fact that people still cite Aristotle and Plato supports my theory about the non-redundancy of the Scripture. 
The worries that some men have maltreated their wives or wives have misbehaved in matrimonies are called abuses of power. Why don’t you blame God for creating Sex? Why don’t you blame God for giving you eyes, so you can see your wife and kids even though you use those same eyes sometimes to look at other women? Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. That is why we are enlightening people to beware of the abuses of power. No man should decide what happens in a woman’s body, but the woman’s body remains the female body with the same anatomy and physiology. Whether values erode or improve, it does not change the physical characteristics of the human body. 
People compare medieval times with modern times without taking cognizance of the epochs. It was different from nowadays as now thanks partially to feminism, women have more rights. Freedom is never given to the oppressed, so the oppressed must rise up to take it. When women began rising up to take their rights, some went overboard. While feminism opened the eyes of many women, it also brought challenges to men. Therefore, feminism is neither all bad nor is it all good. 
If the woman is HOH, she becomes the head the same way the man is head. We have had precedence in the Bible with the daughters of Zelophehad who fought for filial female rights of inheritance (Numbers 27:6-11). In their household, they did not have a son nor were they married. To be head of household is not based on bread winning ability but on natural appointment. Leadership is not the same as bread winning; else the richest people in every country would be the presidents or prime ministers in those countries. God ab initio after the fall, appointed the man to be head of household (Gen 3:16), but He did not appoint him based on his bread winning skills because at the time of the appointment, God provided everything to both Adam and Eve.  Rather, he appointed the wife as a helpmeet (helper or co-breadwinner) to the husband (servant). The woman was to help him in tending the Paradise as he was the servant of God. Even in the presence of a man, the woman could still be the helpmeet (bread winner) as we see with Deborah. If leadership was the problem, then Deborah should and would not have led. Yet at a time when men had their tails wrapped between their legs, she took the challenge and led the army of God. But before she did it, she asked Barak  (a man) to go with her. Isn’t she HOH of Israel? She was head of HOH because there were no men.
While Hannah nagged God more than she nagged her husband, she was still seeking his opinion on how to close their lacuna of sterility. 
            There are strict conjugal rights that we must consider. Those rights are layered on mutual submission (Eph 5:21). The word “submitting” means to subject one's self, obey, yield to one's admonition or advice. In that way, nothing is done from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regarding one another as more important than yourselves (Philippians 2:3).
Although there is a leader; man, decisions are by mutual consent because in direction and good advice there is development and progress (Prov 11;4; 24:6). Since the time where humans rejected theocracy and monarchy, one man style leadership has never been a good one. Even with churches that practice the church polity of episcopalism, we always see a mélange of Presbyterianism and congregationalism. 
If neither the wife nor the husband has rights over their bodies, and that they must abstain from sexual intercourse only by mutual consent (I Cor 7: 1), then we will doubt that it was different in any other field especially because they were to leave their parents to cleft to their spouse where they become one in flesh (Gen 2:24). 
When the Bible talks about the woman being submissive to the husband (Eph 5:21-23, 33), it is not talking about acquiescence. You should remember that in verse 21, they were to mutually submit. If they both mutually submit, then it is superfluous or redundant for the woman to be required extra submission as it is not needed. What it is saying in that verse is that, the woman should show respect to the decision that the house leader has made. Even though military leaders consult each other, there is only one who orders” fire” or “cease fire.” Two he-goats cannot drink from the same pot else they will lock horns. Many cooks spoil the soup, and there cannot be two captains in the same boat. Why should there be two heads of household as with homosexuals'?
It is for the man’s own good to consult his wife for decisions, and it is for the woman’s own good to respect the outcome of the decision. It is not based on bread winning. At different times in the Bible, men and women were bread winners HOH. When a man is given that little respect as head of household with a little garnishing of open legs, the woman can have her way. She can possess the kingdom as we saw with Empress Wu Zetian of China , Catherine II of Russia, Esther or Abigail. Abigail’s name means “my father is joy”. Where the man was lacking in wisdom or guidance, she jumped in to make the difference (I Sam 25:3). 
Nonetheless, if a man has problems that his wife is making more money than him or that his wife has a job, and he does not have, it is not because it is the biblical position; it is merely that it is his ego. It is an exhibition of the work of the flesh in him (Gal 5: 19-21). He will need to put away the old man. There is no problem with having a stay-home-dad just as there is a stay-home-mom depending on whose bread winning skills will help the home to survive better.
There is nowhere in the Bible showing that the man must be the sole bread winner. One passage frequently cited to sustain that argument is 1 Tim 3:4. The word “ruleth” means to preside over by caring for and giving attention. That is why the preceding sentence wonders how he will “take care of the house of God” if he cannot “rule” over his own house. The problem only arises when the woman who is the bread winner treats her husband as a beggar or servant. It is the same too with the husband who is the bread winner. In short, no one should treat another person as inferior simply because they have a superior financial, economic position or even wield more power than their spouse. 
As with everything, the exponents must keep the vices and excesses as they may deviate from the original intent of the technocrats. That has been the case as many western (especially American) women have won the feminist battle, but they have lost that of keeping a home. Marriage has become a reclusive turncoat as testified by the number of divorces and broken homes. That does not mean all marriages are broken by the excess of feminism; however, it is one of the underlying factors. When a woman starts saying it is her body, so she has the right to use it as she wants, she leaves the man no other option but to seek solace in strange arms. Same too when a man does not procure love, acceptance, and value; the three basic necessities of human relationship, the woman though married still finds herself lonely where she transforms her initial shadows into her reality and her theobroma cacao becomes the elephant meat.   
In mutual consideration, both the man and the woman must understand that the woman is a weaker vessel (I Pet 3:7) but not inferior. The difference between being weak and being inferior is that you do not show honor to anything inferior. On the contrary, you hold with care that which is weak, so it does not break or faint. Such, should be the treatment of women as they show respect to their husbands, no matter their financial or societal status.  Although the wife may be a bread winner, she cannot be the head of household if she is married or is in a heterosexual relationship. .

Until then, the husband is the head of household, and the wife is the assistant.

St Arrey of Ntenako.

“Bonyfish beware because the same net that caught the jawless fish, caught the cartilaginous fish” (Hamilton Ayuk). Beware earthly paradise seekers because there is a serpent in every paradise"(Hamilton Ayuk). "It is not how well you know a person; it is how well you treat them that they will live longer and happier with you." Idle people write, idler people read, and idlest people read and whine that idle people are taking their time (Hamilton Ayuk).

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