Monday, April 2, 2012

The Histrionics of The Professional Black American Woman.

Dear Sister,

There is a general complaint that many successful and professional black men bypass the professional black woman when the time to marry comes. Indeed, love should have nothing to do with color. Nonetheless, for the sake of illuminating the inquisitive minds, methought I should give the professional black woman the mirror to take a second look why the professional black man at times bypasses her despite her beauty. I have often heard of the histrionics of a black woman, but I had never lived them. The brothers always told me that our girls are crazy, but I did not know to what extent. I have had a glimpse of their crazy behavior from afar, but I had never lived it in close proximity, so I always said ‘”It is not all who are crazy; you just need to find the right one.” All the professional black American guys I knew were fooling around or were in a committed relationship with white women, so I was wondering what the deal was. To help me build my opinion, God made me live the histrionics of an American black woman firsthand. The black woman here represents both American black women and Africarinas. Notwithstanding, permit me say that this article does not envelope ALL professional black American women into this epistolary. Here is my Arabian Nights! Say Entertainment.
I took my mother to the USCIS hearing in Atlanta. The prosecutor was a beautiful black girl. My mother teased me a little bit saying “Isn’t she pretty?” I said “Yes, she is.” She followed up with “Why don’t you ask her hand then for marriage.” I said “Mama, don’t mind that beautiful face because when you go closer, you will see that she is crazy.” My mother said to me that I was using stupid excuses not to marry. "You are a very nice person, but it is worrisome why you are not married." She reiterated. She said “I just think you are afraid to talk to her. I will talk to her myself.” I retorted “Hahaha, you just don’t know this your son; no woman scares me. I am bold to talk to any woman on this earth and to marry ten, if I wanted.”  As is the nature of women, she continued nagging me with the marriage issue as we waited our case to come up, and I wanted to prove to her that I wasn’t scared of the lady. I soliloquized that I will call her and say guess with who I am eating lunch.  So when our case came up, I winked at her, and she winked back.  Our petition was granted pending a new medical, and we left. I went and dropped my mom at home, and quickly drove back to the courts to take her number or other particulars, but I could not.
My mother told me that she wanted to go back to Washington the next day, so I quickly went back to court to visit her. I went to her office, but they told me that they were on lunch. I sat in court and waited until I: 00 pm. I went to talk to her, but the secretary wanted to know the purpose. I was shy to tell her that I liked her. She told me I can only talk to her on a given case, or if I was a lawyer. So I said “fine, I will hire one then.”
 I quickly took a lift downstairs where the private lawyers were, and I tried to hire one. I proposed $180 an hour to a white female lawyer to deliver my message, and she accepted. When I told the lawyer it was for her to tell the government lawyer I wanted to meet her, she laughed and said “She is not worth your time.” I then tried to hire an African lawyer. He said “leave that girl alone, she is crazy”. Despite their cautions, I did not listen to them because I thought that as private lawyers, they are always clashing in court with her, so they have a negative opinion about her. I even thought it was a plus that she was a great lawyer doing her job that the defense really hates her. So, I left and went down stairs hoping to meet her there. There I did not see her. That was the third time.
 My mom's passport had expired, so they did not allow her to fly since she was only used her passport for her identification. I drove to DC and dropped my mom, and then I drove back to Atlanta to try my luck again before driving back to DC to fly out in 2 days. Imagine in 2 days! Can you imagine that? I thought if she knew I was driving from DC just to come and talk to her, she would behave a bit hospitable. I went there, and they told me that she was busy. That was the fourth time. I went downstairs and came back up again. I asked a lawyer (who came there for his own problems) if he saw a girl that that he likes in this office what he will do. He said that he will drop a note for her. When the front desk insisted that I had to tell her the reason I wanted to see her, I decided to write a note that I left for my intended lover asking her out for a meal to a place if her choice.  Gentlemen and ladies, that was a bigggggg crime my friends!
Unfortunately, I changed my ticket to stay again in town for 2 more weeks because our case was postponed. A day after I wrote the note, I went again there to look for her. Remember, I have not even spoken to her and was merely trying to establish contact. I was bemused with the melodramas that the guards showed me on July 21, 2011 when I took my mother back there for the final outcome, having the medical. Initially, methought it was some mistaken ID thing again, so I said to myself “Well, I have enough money in my pocket to bail myself out.” Once I entered, a female guard shouted “we got our man”. Two bulky strong guys like the king’s guerrillas walked to me and pulled me by the side. They carried a quick inquisition and left me by the side for some minutes. When I waited and did not see any police officer to read my Miranda Rights, my mind jumped to her. So I asked the guard whether it was because I wrote her a mail to ask her out, and she said yes. 
I was flabbergasted.  I was like; people speak to women, even judges and no one makes such a drama. What is it all about? Would that be a crime to say I am interested in a woman? She was single and will one day marry. If she did not want to marry, I would not still know until I spoke with her. Perhaps she likes only women, but I would only know if she told me. How will I know if she wanted to marry, if she did not tell me? How will she marry if people do not talk to her? Is it now a crime to see a professional black female and tell her I love you?  She is literate and beautiful. Perhaps she would have just smiled over it than make me look like a stalker, women molester or something. Does she do that with those who send her junk mails via post or internet? No, she deletes the mails. She could have torn that one too. I only wanted to draw her attention that she should not treat people that way simply because they show an interest in her. If men do not take their chances, how will she know who loves her and who does not. Can you imagine how it will look if every man who showed a female judge a love interest was blocked from entering the federal building except if they had real business there?
So I decided this time to leave and mail her a letter. Folks, it was a simple letter (copy still available). Two days after mailing the letter, a lawyer with an African accent called me and told me he was her colleague and that he does not want me to write her. He said “do you know we can mess up your life in this country for life? I wanted to joke with the guy, but he told me he was not joking. I said “Ok, you have said yours, so I have heard you.” Then he persisted with threats, and I asked him emphatically if he was threatening me. He said he was just telling me as a home boy so I should know that these people think differently, and he does not want me to get into trouble. He said that the girl with a stroke of her pen could ruin my whole life. I thanked him and assured him that that it was over.    
Then in the late morning, the immigration and police surrounded our house. My brother and I were not home. It was only my sister in law with her two children who were home. So she called the husband that the police has surrounded the house with guns drawn, and they said they were looking for me. He too quickly called me. I asked him to ask the wife if they were still there, so I could talk to them. She said once she told them that I was at the hotel, they ran back into their cars and left, probably to the hotel. I asked him if they left any contact information. He said yes.
He read the number to me over the phone, and I called the number and left about 4 messages. The investigator called me, and we made arrangements on how to meet. I was eating and drinking with my friends at Seabreeze when he called me again that they wanted to meet me. I told the story to my other friends, and they were saying, “ That is why I don’t fool around with these black American women.” I felt sorry for her act because now she is forcing every black woman to be put into the crazy Medusa.
My guys watched from afar through the transparent glasses as some launched videos from their cellphones to capture any police brutality. When the investigators came, they came with plain clothe and uniform police officers with one marked police car and unmarked immigration van. They asked me if I had any contraband in my car. I told them to search the car as the best answer. They asked me if I wanted to step out of the car or sit in the car. I said anyone that pleased them, but I will like to step out to talk with them as a man speaks to men. They asked me if I had any weapons on me, and I told them that I didn’t. I proposed for them to search me, but they declined the offer.
They spoke with me, and I asked the investigator if he had ever spoken to a lady. He smiled and said  that he had, but if the girl told him that she wanted him to leave her alone, he left her lone. I said, this girl has never spoken or written to me. He looked at the uniformed officer and asked me again, “Are you saying she has never spoken to you? I said “Ask her while I am here if she has ever spoken to me. All I have asked was to see her. If she has sent a message via the guards or anyone that she did not want to talk to me, I will not waste my precious time to talk to her. Is she the only woman on earth?” I asked. The police said they thought we had spoken. More so, they did not know someone called from the office warning me. We ended with a handshake, and I invited them for a drink and a meal, but they declined and told me to be safe and leave the woman alone. I told the police that persistence is not desperation. Neither she nor they would even hear that I wrote to her. 
I told the police that I was embarrassed with the way this black woman has treated a black man seeking her love. If she was Brigette (white woman) to whom I wrote hundreds of letters, perhaps she would have locked me up and thrown the keys into hell. I just could not figure out what she told the authorities that they formed a joint task force of immigration and police to haunt for me like an escaped convict. The surprising thing is that after all these histrionics, they will go to a guy who will start to beat them up or in their words “abuse them”. 
I used to go visit the courts during my spare time. Sometimes I listened to divorce proceedings and conclude that an anaconda and a crocodile had been living in the same house. Some of them live in relationships that look like the one between a hawk and a duck. When it happens, they lay the blame on the poor men rather than bear the brunt of their rashness. However, “please tell her that she can still come back, but she will have to apologize to me.” I joked with the investigator, “Take my picture and show her that I am not an ugly man to be desperate behind a woman.” We believe that in so far as the woman has not told you not to write her, you could still keep writing her. No man with dignity will keep writing a woman who said “don’t write me again.” Even if she was the only woman on earth, I will write to dolls or angels. The police smilingly took the picture. That was the end of the drama, so I have lived the histrionics of an American black woman. I was traumatized!! Could this be why the literate and successful black guy don’t always want to look at the professional black woman? Isn’t it because of theatricals like this? Let me hear your thoughts.  

Until then, let the professional black woman in America curb her appetite for histrionics.

St Arrey of Ntenako.

“Bonyfish beware because the same net that caught the jawless fish, caught the cartilaginous fish” (Hamilton Ayuk). Beware earthly paradise seekers because there is a serpent in every paradise"(Hamilton Ayuk). Idle people write, idler people read, and idlest people read and whine that idle people are taking their time (Hamilton Ayuk).

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