Tuesday, April 17, 2012

“Does my Boyfriend love Me, Or Is that a sign if my boyfriend is giving me broken promises? Why don’t men ever keep their promsies?”

A young woman had told me that she has been picking only men who never keep their promises; they never speak the truth and always end up dropping her. Then we made arrangements to meet and in one week, she made three promises and failed all three of them. Broken promises beget broken promises. When she called me to apologize after the third failure, I said, “apologies accepted but you do not need to come and see me because I know your problem. You have no consideration for people that is why the men too treat you like that. Do unto others what you want them do unto you."
Notwithstanding, you are not the only one with the same complaint. I have heard it several times and last week before you asked me the question, a young woman had asked me the same thing. Since it is a recurrent problem, I will tell you the reason, consequences, how I deal with it, and what you should do.  TO keep a promise is part of what we are made off. That is why you hear the aphorism “my words are my bones.” However, most people take it as an expression for convenience or expediency. Actually, breaking your words has nefarious consequences.  
It might be a sign that he does not love you; it might also be a sign that down the road you will not be the apple of his eye. It could also be a indication that he does not respect you, or it could be a signal that he was not well brought up. Whatever sign or signal it gives you, it hurts to make broken promises or be made broken promises. Broken promises make the person giving then lose   seriousness in the eyes of the person who was supposed to receive the promise. Many people do not keep promises, and some behave as if it is normal to break the promises they make.
People who break their promises do not fear God. Everyone who is alive knows that God does not like people who break their promises. Because some people think that they have become bigger and God an ant, they don’t fear what He will do to them if they break their promises.
Another reason people break their promises is because of the consideration they have for you. Let us say that president Obama asks your boyfriend if he will come to the White House on June 24, 2012. Starting from today your boyfriend will start to prepare himself for that visit. That is because of the consideration that he has for the president. If your boyfriend is breaking the promises he made to you, it simply means he does not consider you his world. I have always told ladies to date and marry men who love them much and not men they love much. Those are two different things. When a man considers a woman his world, he treats her like an egg, he pampers, and he molly cuddles her. He sings her lullabies. However, if he does not consider her his world, he will not mind keeping his words to her; after all, he has her replacement.
The third reason why he is breaking his promises to you is because of his upbringing. The way I was brought up, you can only make a promise you can fulfill, whether it floods or it shines. Nowadays, the zeitgeist is that very few people keep their promises that is why marriages are falling apart. What happened to, “unto death do us part?” When something gets broken, you fix it; you do not leave it and run. I see some spouses abandoning their wife or husband when they become sick. Do you remember the promise you made to that person? Therefore, your boyfriend may be breaking the promise he made to you because of his upbringing and surrounding. How will he keep the big promise of “loving you until death” if he cannot keep these little promises? If I were you, I will cutoff the relationship because it is a premonition.  Nevertheless, if you remain in the relationship, you must accept him as he is. Do not expect him to change in marriage. If he makes you promises and does not keep them, you should not be angry because you knew beforehand that that is the way he is.
In addition, it could simply be that your boyfriend is not a man of character. He may be suffering from aboulia. Some people have no will power; they always go with the flock. I don’t make promises all the time. I always say “we will see,” but if you insist and get one from me, I feel trapped and obliged to keep it. Therefore, your boyfriend may just have to work on his will power. He must say to himself, “that I have made her the promise, so I will not fail her.”  The solution is to fear God, love your neighbor as yourself, show decorum, and have a will of your own.
Aside, I personally would not get involve with anyone who does not keep promises. That is a serious issue to throw underneath the rug.  On the other hand, there are instances where one could break their promise. You can break a promise if that promise will not honor God.  Let us say you made a promise to beat up the girl who insulted your girlfriend and later you came back to your senses. The righteousness in not beating up anyone overrides the wrongness in beating up someone. Furthermore, you can break a promise if your spouse runs away. When a couple starts to live like an anaconda and crocodile are living in the same pawn, you should try not to put yourself in situations that may alter the original promise; thereby, obliging you to rescind or forfeit the promise. For example, marriage is a covenant; a vow, a strong promise. We expect everyone who marries to keep it. Therefore, always nurture your love and make it grow daily so that you do not become unhappy and want to change it since it will be difficult for some people to stay in an unhappy marriage.

Until then, I hope that the Lord sends a trustworthy man your way. 

St Arrey of Ntenako.

“Bonyfish beware because the same net that caught the jawless fish, caught the cartilaginous fish” (Hamilton Ayuk). Beware earthly paradise seekers because there is a serpent in every paradise"(Hamilton Ayuk). Idle people write, idler people read, and idlest people read and whine that idle people are taking their time (Hamilton Ayuk).

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