Tuesday, November 8, 2011

For How Long Should A Man Run After A Girl Before Giving Up#?


I have heard this question several times and each time people ask me, I get confused because the experiences have ended differently with or for different people. Straight forward I will tell you that I do not have an answer. One common mistake some men have done is to get angry and insult the woman, if she rejects them. Disregard her craziness and let time work its magic. One day, one day, you will receive that elusive call or mail asking you where you are now. If she is yours, one day, like a strayed dog, she will walk back home where she belongs. Notwithstanding, I will narrate to you real life anecdotes and hope that you prayerfully draw your own conclusion from them. Love is abstract, so it works differently for and with different people when it is being converted to concrete terms. The man can even go the length of the guy in the video above.

I used to know a young man called Paul. He loved a girl called Deborah, but she did not love him. She instead loved another, Jose. Jose went to Mexico to seek greener pastures, and Deborah was left back in Cameroon. After some time, many other young men approached Deborah for love and marriage, but she turned them all down. Paul got married to another girl and continued his life and started building a family. Age was now striking all of them. Jose got married to another girl while in Mexico. When Deborah heard it, she almost killed herself and went into serious depression. She has been waiting for more than 4 years only for the man to marry another woman. Life did not end there. After some time, Paul divorced his wife and went and married Deborah. Today, they are happily married. He said that even though he was married, he knew that Deborah was his wife although Deborah was running after another boy who was even married too. It was just a matter of time and opportunity. It took more than 10 years for him to marry (Deborah ) the woman he had originally wanted to marry. Isn’t ten years too long to run after a girl?

There was a gentleman who loved a girl, but she did not have the same feelings for him too. He wrote her several letters but she would not reply. Then she got married to a guy and had a child. Two years after, the marriage kaput. Immediately after her defunct marriage, she went into one of the mails he had written her, she pulled his contacts and wrote him back asking if he was still single. She was shocked to hear that the guy was still waiting for her. They made arrangements and began dating. Two months after, they got married. They have been married now for more than 29 years. Was it fair for the guy to have waited that long? It would seem it was.

There was an African who loved an American girl from Idaho. He wrote the girl almost every day. He loved the girl with all his heart and would give his life for the girl. No matter how he wrote the girl, she would not reply. Then one day he told one of his friends about his misery. The friend said he has a letter he always writes to ladies, and they never resist. The African guy borrowed the letter, changed the particulars, and sent it to the girl. When the lady received the letter, she instead insulted him. One year passed, but he kept running after the girl. One day he met another American who told him how he ran for 4 years after his current wife with whom they have now been married for 17 years. He asked him if he could conceive a letter for him like the one he wooed his wife. He told him that he had the letter with him that he has kept as a relic and time and again sends it by mail to his wife. The African sent it to his target. When the girl received the email, her boyfriend replied to the African that it was not the girl replying, it was her boyfriend and that she already has a boyfriend. Should the African guy continue writing and running after this girl?

Some stories sound like fairytales while others sound like elegies. Such are different scenarios and different people producing different results. Biblically, there is just no pattern on how or how long a man should pursue a girl. What we easily see is men who did sacrificial acts to court their ladies, but the Bible does not show a man running after a woman. What can please one woman may not be the same thing that will win the other woman. It would seem there is a little bit of luck and grace or like the bible puts it “ time and chance happened to them all (Eccl9:11).” If your mind tells you to continue pursuing the girl, then do so, but if your mind tells you to stop, then follow your mind too. She is not the only girl out there; a person does not make you happy. Most importantly, if the girl tells you not to write, call or text her again, you should stop immediately because it could be considered harassment if she reports it. In Africa, it would not matter, even if you did not stop, but the laws in the US are very different. Why do you want to ruin your life? No matter how important she is; it is not worth ruining your life for someone who has rejected you. Perhaps if you had a record, the same girl may not even want to smell you around her.

Until then, pray and let God guide you indeed.

Prince & PA Hamilton Ayuk.

“Bonyfish beware because the same net that caught the jawless fish, caught the cartilaginous fish” (Hamilton Ayuk). Beware earthly paradise seekers because there is a serpent in every paradise"(Hamilton Ayuk). Idle people write, idler people read, and idlest people read and whine that idle people are taking their time (Hamilton Ayuk).

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