I had lent my car to a youngster who changed my radio station, so when I turned the car on, the radio station that came on was V103.3-Frankie Wanda Show. They were discussing on being a man. There were four people debating as I could hear well. One of them said to be a man means that when you go and sleep in a lady’s house, you must give her gas money. Her opponent said that is making you look like a whore because you are friends, and he should not buy you gas just because he slept in your house. Then two said, men need to be men and take care of their ladies. I have heard this at work, at the mall, in ceremonies, in church and in the street about men not being men. This lesson will tell you what being a man means and then will show you what being a man is not.
Years back I went to see a family that I wanted to marry their daughter. I was in town trying to do a job for CRETES as the supervisor (appointment by degree from Kodock- the then minister of Agriculture) for Fako 1 conducting a survey on the social and economic indicators of the South West Province. As usual, I came with a small promotional T shirt that was given to me. I concealed the fact that I was working to see their reaction. The family invited me to see if I was a man.
They asked me questions like “do you work”. I said I am trying. “How will you feed your wife?” The aunt followed up. I said, "if I eat, she will eat, but if I don’t eat, she will not eat. But just know that she will never stay hungry if I can find food." They said that she goes to school in a car, and I did not have a car. ‘How will you take her to school?" They asked. I said, “There are taxis, so we really don’t need a car”. The auntie told me that they do not think I will be the right person for their daughter. However, they gave me permission to talk to her officially even though I have been talking to her before coming to see the parents. After the interview, she did not talk to me again, no matter how many letters I wrote. Perhaps I was not the “man” the aunts were looking for. Years after, I saw the aunt, and she told me that now I was a man. Was she seeing breasts or what was she seeing that she thought I was not a man before? Here I am with two balls underneath my legs, and I am being told I am not a man. What type of trouble is this? So when I heard this debate, though it was not my type of station, I decided to listen to it till the end. I believe many people have it all wrong what it means to be a man.
First, when someone sleeps in your house for one night or a week or a month, that does not change the bills. You will pay the rents, gas bill and light bills you were paying before they came. That is why I have never asked anyone who lived with me to contribute for anything in the house. Now if you have a man who comes to sleep in your house, it is proper if he decides to leave something, but if he does not leave anything, that should still be ok. One thing you must look at is if the man has the ability to leave something. By the way, why should a man leave the woman gas money when she makes more money than him?
All these complaints about him sitting on your couch, watching your TV, eating your food, breathing "your air" are bunkum and greed. If you look at all the women who think like this, they are unable to keep a man. They are on their fourth marriage. Some though single and ready to mingle have no man interested in them for marriage. Listen well: interested in them for marriage.
If a man visits a girl he loves, he will provide to the needs he sees without her even asking. That goes for the lady. If he sees her watching a small TV because she cannot afford for a bigger one, he will buy her a bigger one without her asking. A man does not sit playing video games while the woman cuts the grass. He cuts the grass of the yard, motivates her to prayers and exercise.
It is proper for a man to get up and check the fluids in the car. He must accept the responsibility of their relationships by making everything possible to make it work. Why does a woman need a man to give her money to go do her hair when she can pay for it?
To be a man is to sit with your wife and kids and think about leading your family to a happy port. That is; make serious consensual decisions and not spend time running away from your problems and transferring responsibility on your wife or others.
Being a man is to have core values that override societal exigencies. A man who is being pulled by the nose by his family, the society, friends, alcohol and drugs is not a man. A man should lead by example. A man is a person who puts God first and his relationship second. Nothing comes before his family. In terms of priority, after God, comes your wife and kids, your family, friends, career, society and leisure and pleasure.
To be a man is to believe in your capabilities and be willing to take risks even if you fail.
To be a man is to provide to her emotional needs not as you need and want, but as she wants. How will you perform your manly duties if you are never home, or you come home drunk and tired? Watch over your sex life and make sure it is in top form.
To be a man you should be ready to defend your family. The animals do this better. The lion watches over the pride. How will you defend your wife and family facing danger if you are always in clubs and bars or with friends and in church?
While paying the bills and providing food on the table, clothes on their backs and shoes on their feet is important, being a man encompasses more than just that. If that is all it means then rich people will be the happiest couples on earth.
I remember counseling a couple, and the woman telling me in reply to the man’s defense that he gives her all she wants. The woman said “I married this man; I did not marry this house. Those things we have in this house, I could get them myself. I need a man and not things. He is never there to play with the kids or even with me. We do not have quality time together as husband and wife. He is always at work or with his friends.” Irresponsibility is in various forms and that is one of them.
To be a man is not walking around opening the door for the lady. Who was opening her door before you met her? If she did not die then, she will not die now. Just because you are a man does not mean when you get lost you should not ask for directions. Just because you are a man does not mean your driving is better than that of your wife. Just because you are a man does not mean you are smarter than your wife. Show your manliness in things that matter most to her well being.
Until then, be a man and take care of your lady!
Prince & PA Hamilton Ayuk.
“Bonyfish beware because the same net that caught the jawless fish, caught the cartilaginous fish” (Hamilton Ayuk).Beware earthly paradise seekers because there is a serpent in every paradise"(Hamilton Ayuk).Idle people write, idler people read, and idlest people read and whine that idle people are taking their time (Hamilton Ayuk).