Sunday, February 14, 2010

Why Does My Mother-In-Law Hate Me?

January 31, 2009, Tetyana Nikitina was gunned down by Mary Nace Hanson: her former mother-in-law . May 4, 2006, a bus driver killed his wife, mother-in-law and himself . On the 4th of this month, David Brubaker beat his elderly-and-wheel chair mother-in-law . Ferdinand Earle was once reported to have put out his mother-in-law and her sons out of his house . Just these few stories will tell you how much mothers-in-law have been caricatured as the evil machines that ruin marital homes. Without a doubt, some mothers-in-law could be like a thorn in the flesh; perhaps even more than an evil spirit. They want to rule your house. That has never gone well with most daughters-in-law, and the result has always been catastrophic. I have written an article on in-laws , but today I will write specifically on mother-in-law. I will acknowledge the problem posed by the nuisance of mother-in-law, unravel the causes, and propose some solutions, so your mother-in-law will no more be a negative stimulus. Nonetheless,it is not every mother in-law who is bad. There are some who really love you,and their corrections are really genuine and should be taken into consideration.

The mother-in-law is a human being and not a monster. Every human being is sensitive to love, and everyone who has been touched by love produces joyful actions. This problem of mother-in-law interference did not start today. It began years ago when a young girl who has been betrothed was sent to live with her future mother-in-law to learn the art of housewifery. Even when the daughter-in-law is a full wife, the mother-in-law still came to the house to give her lectures. At times, they wanted to correct you on how to serve your husband or wife.

Some mothers-in-law love their jobs as teachers that they want to die on the front of duty. One responsibility of the teacher is that they must bear the responsibility of the student in class. Most mothers-in-law think that they carry the responsibility of their son’s or daughter’s home. The mother-in-law intends to create a warm and positive environment for her student, but she creates instead a one sided situation that favors only her daughter or son. It is true that the daughter-in-law was her ex student, but once she goes to her home, she is no more her student. She must accept that and celebrate her graduation.

The mother-in-law may have a foothold deep into the marriage depending on how their son or daughter permits it. If you spend all your life reporting everything your wife or husband has done to you, you will not make your mother feel like she should stay away from the home. Those complaints awake her teacher instinct, and she thinks your husband or wife needs a basic lesson in home-training. The first time your mother wants to rule over your wife or husband tell her to stay out, so you can deal with it. Take your spouse into the room and tell them what is wrong. Don’t start calling him jerk in front of your mother. You give mother-in-law the right now to ruin your home.

One other thing that encourages mothers-in- law to intervene into homes is the notion that your wife is their wife. In most African languages, we have names for step-brother or step-sister, but we do not have names for in-law, uncle, aunt, cousin. We call them by explanation. Consequently, your wife is the family’s wife and your uncle is your father. So the mother-in-law feels it her right to educate the daughter-in-law whom she calls her own daughter. Now in the West, it was the same thing though the appellation for the different relatives was present, but one’s wife was the wife of the family. That was when family values were still alive. Now that everything is in topsy-turvy, the daughters-in-law and sons-in-law want to set boundaries. They want to tell her how long she can stay with them and who controls the house. In short, they want to assert themselves. So in most cases we use a grenade to kill a cockroach.

Naomi was married to Elimelech. They had two sons: Mahlon and Chilion. Due to famine, they moved from Bethlehem to Moab. Not long after their arrival, Elimelech died. Their two sons married two Moabites: Orpah and Ruth. Then the two husbands died leaving the two women with their mother-in-law. Rather than run away they insisted to stay with her. She even entreated them to go back to their parents, but they refused. Would they have longed to stay with her if she treated them badly? From her name you could know her character. Her name Naomi means pleasant. Today daughters-in-law feel like pleasing their family-in-law is the lack of being firm or even being a door mart. No woman that will be in loggerheads with her family-in-law will be happy. As you all know, people like to be pleased. Pleasing is a sign of love rather than weakness.

These are the characteristics of love. Love is patient, kind, does not envy, is not proud, is not selfish, is not easily provoked and does not think evil. Love does not brag in sin, but it rejoices in truth. Love is always loyal, it always trusts, it always believes in their skills, and it always protects and preserves them. Today once mother-in- law comes in the love that spouses had for each other starts to fail. Where is your loyalty? I know that is one thing that really lacks nowadays.
Whatever you do to people, please remember to love thy neighbor as thyself and do unto others what you want them do unto you.

Until then, love your mother in law.

Prince & PA Hamilton Ayuk.

“Bonyfish beware because the same net that caught the jawless fish, caught the cartilaginous fish” (Hamilton Ayuk).
Beware earthly paradise seekers because there is a serpent in every paradise"(Hamilton Ayuk).

Idle people write, idler people read, and idlest people read and whine that idle people are taking their time (Hamilton Ayuk).

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