Sunday, January 24, 2010

Is flirting or Sexual Advance Ungodly?

The usual question is where does flirting end, and where do sexual advances begin, or is flirting a bad thing. The Free Dictionary defines flirt (verb) as: “To make playfully romantic or sexual overtures” . If flirting is to make playful romantic or sexual overtures it means that the intention is not ungodly. Nonetheless, that is not a guarantee since the human nature is naturally deceitful and wicked (Jer 17: 9-10) or like Erasmus posited that man was sick but not dead. Whatever theory you espouse: Augustinian, Peligian or semi Peligian the conclusion is that the nature of man is sick and needs redemption. The major question would be could anyone romantically or sexually play without breaking the lock into the forbidden room since there is a biblical caveat that there are some places which you enter and never keep your pants or skirt up (Prov 2:16-18; 5; 3-5; 6:24-28)?

Actually, sexual advances on a single and ready to mingle individual are not bad because that is how they will find love. While flirting may vary, sexual advances are unambiguous. In the theory of flirting it really depends on the individuals and their origins. We invited female friends with whom we traveled on long distances platonically. In America inviting the opposite sex for a drink, lunch, party or to make long trips could actually signal a sexual advance. Comments like Miss Lolo (big breasts) and nice makandi (buttocks) are unequivocal sexual advances.

While the Bible is very clear on sexual advances that will engender illicit sex it is mute on flirting. For flirting like lust must first conceive before giving birth to sin. So flirting on its own in isolation is not sin else we will consider lust as sin. Until lust is fulfilled it is not sin. That is why James said “But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death” (James 1: 14-15). Flirting should be encouraged because that is the only time some ugly women can actually be complimented. Toys may satisfy her but will never compliment her dress or hair. After all she needs some love.

Sexual advances in work places sometimes go sour when the victim does not like the perpetrator or when some unhappy and jealous colleagues think they should have been in the place of the victim like in the case of boss and subaltern, pastor and Christian, teacher and student (college) even though statistics show that very few marriages between boss and subaltern, or Christian and pastor, or teacher student have ended in divorce. The entitlement is so low because while men seek beauty, women generally seek security, and the subaltern, student or Christian can securely use the boss, teacher or pastor as their milking cow or ATM machine. That is why only rich people go into sex rehab. What a disease! I wonder how the treatment looks like.

If either flirting or sexual advances were inherently bad then God would not have created humanity asexual in whom inhabits the libido. That is why sex sells more than anything. Nonetheless there is a serious divine injunction against illicit sex. It is one of the moral laws (Ex 20: 14) and, adultery was meted with death (0Lev 20:10). Despite Jesus’ clemency on the woman caught in flagrant adultery, He does not still exempt it as an errant and despicable behavior (Mt 19:9). Actually, the Bible considers those who commit adultery as being stupid or unwise (Prov 6:32). Perhaps because they fail to realize that a bird in hand is worth two in the bush. It was Paul who revealed that sexual sin actually affects the body and it is the only that does so (I Cor 6: 18). One has to just be alert to set their limits and know when flirting or sexual advances could land them into trouble waters before God or at least before Man.

Until then, let your conscience guide you.

Prince & PA Hamilton Ayuk



“Bonyfish beware because the same net that caught the jawless fish, caught the cartilaginous fish” (Hamilton Ayuk).
Beware earthly paradise seekers because there is a serpent in every paradise"(Hamilton Ayuk).

Idle people write, idler people read, and idlest people read and whine that idle people are taking their time (Hamilton Ayuk).

“Do Americans understand what adultery is? What is Adultery? I was wondering if adultery is the same everywhere.”

From the movie: Adulterers.  “Do Americans understand what adultery is? What is Adultery? I was wondering if adultery is the same ev...