Tuesday, November 17, 2009

'The false Belief of Perfect vaginas, Perfect Breasts and Large Penis'

Although it is a taboo to talk about the vagina amongst Africans, but when their men hear about the vagina, they become very alert. Perhaps it is proper to say that when men in general hear about the vagina, their ears stand like those of a rabbit. Yes, very very alert that they pick the sound a thousand miles away! That is why they say in Pidgin, “waka for mbombo nodi far” (the journey for a vagina is never too far). If a man wants it from a lady, he can do anything, and  ten thousand miles will become one mile to him. You smile; don’t you? That is the hypocrisy about the whole thing. As mores are dwindling, we see strip clubs germinating, and now we see African men watching porn. Yesteryears, their men did not watch porn, not because they were too holy but because they feared they would be cursed. It is still generally believed that looking at the vagina of a strange woman will fetch you a curse. I presume that 3/4 of western men are cursed. Today, they talk about it up to the point where we hear about perfect vagina. Please, lend me your indulgence to delve into such a sacred organ that warrants a prosodic rather than a prosaic language. I want to debunk the theory of a perfect Vagina, big breasts and large penises. 
The vagina is like water; any legal one would quench a fire. Hear me again well; I said, "legal one."When I lectured a lady about it, she was curious how I knew it. I read and ask women too because I want to help people like you. Ladies, this could be a very important day of your life reading this. If the suggestions work for you, make  me a donation.

Anyone; not to talk of being an African who talks about the vagina could be considered prurient. Until the 21st Century, African men did not freely watch strip teasing or porn; not because they were holier, but because they believed it had a nexus with anathema. As an African, I should not be talking about the vagina since it is a taboo subject as evinced in Zambia. As you know, it is not only in Zambia but also in most African countries that the vagina is used to place imprecations on wayward men. The Takumbengs in the Northwest Province of Cameroon are an example and also in the Southwest Province, it is believed that when the women wash their vaginas, throw the water and you cross it, you will be cursed. Thus, many African men grew up not looking at the vagina because therein lies their Bete Noire. In the West albeit, the men and women pay peepholes sessions and go to the strip clubs, but in Africa, people run for cover for fear of being cursed, if they saw it. Lord have mercy! Two opposing cultures. I don't know which one to choose.  

It is difficult to believe that a woman will do surgery to have a perfect vagina. There is no such thing as perfect vagina. Back in the days, women used to do all to make their vaginas too dry because men did not like when you got too wet. When the vagina was too dry, it instead inflicted pain on the woman than joy because the tighter and drier the vagina, the more pain the woman undergoes; thus, defeating the purpose for which the couple was having sex, for sex was meant for joy and to reinforce the bond in blood sexually administered called marriage.

Then came a time when women were hot about shaving everything, including their pubic hair. Shaving too did not go without issues. Many women realized that they had a lot of bumps and rashes and then breakouts which could make them easily pick up a disease, so rather than a perfect vagina, they got an unhealthy vagina. The presence of the public hair, the extra lips, and flapping of the vagina provide a natural beauty and attraction so don't shave if it gives you bumps and breakouts. More so, the men consider a woman who does not shave her armpit nasty, but they themselves do not shave theirs either. I keep telling western women that they are still in bondage, but they seem not to believe me. Their breasts are indecent to be shown in public, but the men can walk bare-chested. The men always want to tell women what is good for them. Women, you should grow your hair if you like; there is nothing nasty about your vagina or breasts having hair. 

The idea of shaving is to continue with the zeitgeist of societal perfection where everything must be perfect. Listen to me: there is no perfect vagina or penis. Each of them produces odor, and each of them gets sick if not properly cared for. What good would it make to shave everything but be breeding ground for STDs and even a source of cancer ? The vagina should be left in its natural state, especially because modernism is not superior to rusticism; after all, they all have their advantages and disadvantages.

There has not been any scientific evidence that shaving pubic hair increases satisfaction. Rather, many have suggested it is merely cleaner and attractive. As with any hair, it is always nice to trim it to make it look beautiful. Here is the thing; an unhealthy vagina even if bald for life would be a curse to an unshaved healthy one. Men have always argued that the lack of hair will erase the distraction. Rather, the presence of the hair gives you something to play around for a long time, thereby increasing the woman’s happiness. Some women have suggested they preferred shaved men not because of anything but just that it is nice to see it. 

When you start to have odors of sex, even when you have not had sex or foul odors down there, there could be a variety of reasons ranging from birth residues, yeast infection, birth control pills, chemical imbalance and alright improper hygiene. Nonetheless, there is a simple solution. While you can either take liquid chlorophyll (orally), you should eat food stuff that detoxify like garlic, cilantro and citrus fruits like lime and lemon. Some of you women like to exaggerate, so you not go and start chewing garlic and cilantro like men chew tobacco and when they ask you, you say Hamilton said it. This is not medical advice  either! If your odor ensues from hygiene or birth, you should take baths with hydrogen peroxide as this eliminates body odor, anyway. Commercial douches are not really healthy for you as they contain a lot of chemicals. If your odor is from chemical imbalance, you can take probiotic colon pills sold as dietary supplements. Sometimes target carries the 30 capsules in a green and white box for $9.99 in the fiber section with vitamins which is taken orally or you buy the femdophilus which you insert as a suppository overnight. Note that clothing that makes you sweat a lot in between your legs will cause odor too. Therefore, you should give it breathing space. That is why some stars walk without underwear to be ready for their debauchery and unfortunately flash the paparazzi because they wanted to always be fresh down there.

The genitals produce a certain odor that pubic hair helps to curb. The absence therefore, leaves you expose indeed. Some men have told me it makes them look bigger. True that some men have little penises like peanuts but again there has not been any scientific proof that size increases satisfaction, especially because the clitoris that produces more satisfaction does not need a brutal or heavy force. So what good is the casingo (heavy log)? Remember again there has not been any scientific study that a large penis gives more orgasm than a little penis. I know that some men really have some mingili (very little) penis just like peanut. They have to flatter men that they have a large penis;otherwise, They will be depressed. poor babies! Perhaps, I should go to the penis too. There is no prefect penis out there.

Some men have been known to look for solutions to their small bangala (penis) because it is mingili (too small). To those I say this: be encouraged; size does not matter but how you do it. Big bangalas instead hurt the woman than make her feel good. Ask them; don’t take my word for it. They are the ones wearing the shoes, so they are the ones who know where it is pinching them. By the way, if you have erectile dysfunction, give me a personal call; you may be reactivated. Do not make yourself a sancho or a cuckold! Men always talk about the breasts too. 

Some women did not find joy with their breasts, so they went to do surgery. The outcome has been disastrous. In Africa, women did a lot of breast ironing because they believed that it made their breasts strong and firm. I think it was the opposite since it could damage the tissues of the breast just like using any hot object on any part of the body. At a given time, the breasts must sag and become flat. The Second Law of Thermodynamics or The Law of Entropy assures us that. No matter how you keep your breasts, they will still sag. Think about it, when you do breasts surgery today for a man and he dumps you, then the next guy you find wants small breasts, so would you go under the knife again? Finally, you will have to move into the basement of the plastic surgeon because you will need many of those surgeries since of you date a new man every year or every other year. Some even date every other month. 

Therefore, stop butchering yourself, cutting off parts of your body and putting yourself under such high torment and high stress just for what people think about you. Yours beasts, vagina and penis are just fine the way they are. If a man or woman does not like you the way you are, then they were not for you in the first place. Listen to me; plastic surgery may create a seemingly perfect vagina, breasts or penis, but it neither makes you healthier nor happier in the long run. The side effects outweigh the short term benefits. 

Until then, be proud of the way God made you.

Prince & PA Hamilton Ayuk.

“Bonyfish beware because the same net that caught the jawless fish, caught the cartilaginous fish” (Hamilton Ayuk).
Beware earthly paradise seekers because there is a serpent in every paradise"(Hamilton Ayuk).

Idle people write, idler people read, and idlest people read and whine that idle people are taking their time (Hamilton Ayuk).

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