Monday, July 13, 2009


Nkwendong runs his mouth more than one could see him. He was a Lilliputian with his biceps like those of an ant and his waist line like that of wasp. You smile; don’t you? But he won over a beautiful queen; the lechery of every boy in town. Obviously no one understood why she rejected all of them for him; perhaps because of hyperopia. He was a smoothie that could clear a forest with is mouth. He did the type of business that would later be known as 419. When people asked Nkwendong for his secret he only sang a song that sounded like he just got up from sleep and still had the dregs of Guinness with him.
Why do beautiful girls like crazy boys 2X
Why do ugly men have beauty queens 2X

When he finished, he bowed to seek the crowd’s approbation. Instead they showed thumbs down and booed him; telling him to keep his job (a job he never had).
His song was universal. No one could tell why it is not uncommon to see a beautiful girl with a drug dealer. Most beauty queens date crazy boys and live like a sacrificed generation heading to hedonism’s abattoir.

Immediately as they met, Nkwendong assuaged Mesper to drop out of school. She got pregnant and was now the trophy he paraded the whole town as if to mock all the other guys: pastors, teachers, doctors, bricklayers, traders and electricians who had lusted after her. During her pregnancy, Nkwendong ran away for another beauty queen: Prosperity, whose parents were recently transferred from another town. Mesper combed the phone listings for some of the good people who showed her true love but she rejected because by then they were not cool.

Unfortunately, each time she rang the phone the answer was: this is a new person. She went back to school trying to get her GED. Before she fantasized and dated the crazy people like Nkwendong for fun but reality has set in; true love is neither measured in terms of wealth nor physiognomy; it is the care one receives from a lover. Each time she played back her jeune talant days, she wished she never met Nkwendong. But there is a principle that nature scrupulously upholds: “do unto others what you want them do unto you.”

Nkwendong got married to Vera. She weighed about 400 pounds and was about 6 feet tall. Nkwendong constantly had fresh wounds on his face which he attributed to accidents. Since short people always compensate their lack of height with trouble or garrulity he had insulted a young man who retorted with: “when his mother told him to suckle he was bragging; flipping his tiny legs. Look at him now; he did not grow and his wife is beating him everyday.” He was actually 4 feet and 9.5 inches tall. “If this man does not run away from that marriage that woman will kill him one day”. His wife; Vera always sat on him before pounding his face and mouth and sometimes will stuff grass from their yard into his mouth and give him water to drink. At times she had a whip she held in her hands that she beat him like a school boy. “Nkwendong, where did you sleep yesterday”? She would ask. “Nkwendong one, Nkwendong Two, Nkwendong three. Nkwendong stretch your hands forward” and she would lay him on the buttocks he did not even have. Everyday we heard radio obituaries we expected to hear that of Kwendong. Mockers advised him to start a Battered Husband Club. Rumors said he was suffering from a curse a man put upon him for swindling him. Perhaps life just has a way of rewarding evil. Your evil too will be rewarded!

Until then, beware the secret of love is not in the body but in the spirit.

Prince & PA Hamilton Ayuk

I have changed the name of the protagonist because a forum member thought it was him.

“Bonyfish beware because the same net that caught the jawless fish, caught the cartilaginous fish” (Hamilton Ayuk).
Beware earthly paradise seekers because there is a serpent in every paradise"(Hamilton Ayuk).

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