First, we have to establish that masturbation is not a bad act as evinced in the article above. If it is not bad, then the partner committing it does not break the bond. If the marriage partner refuses to have sex because they prefer to masturbate while the other is present, then they have broken the marriage bond in that they reject verses 3-4 of I Cor 7; whereby, they were to surrender their bodies without conditions and reservations to their spouse. When they masturbate in the absence of their spouse, they cause virtually no harm to the union nor to themselves. This is on presumption that they will be willing to have sex when he comes back.
Masturbation is to cure or tampon loneliness, and the Bible says it is not good that a man should be alone (Gen 2:18). So the bond in marriage is not broken since he or she is not bringing a third party inside. How will it be bad? Marriage is infracted only when a third party is brought into the union by consensus or unilaterally. In masturbation, no third party is brought in; rather it is a means to curb loneliness so that the married partner could be preserved for their spouse. People fear the residual effect. In that case then every act should be prohibited since every human action has a residual effect. Eating may lead to gluttony and drinking alcohol may lead to drunkenness.
There is no such thing as Christian sex. It is like saying Christian food, or Christian laugh or Christian soccer. When we say Christian, it means that, that is what Christ prescribed for the Christians. The word Christian was used in Antioch for the first time in Acts 11:26 to refer to the behavior of the disciples acting like little Christ. Who is the witness who ever saw Christ having sex to say this is the type of sex that Christ would want for Christians? Let us say that no one saw him, but we could base our judgment on what he says in the Bible. Although He does not prescribe any either, there are styles that we know Christ would have done according to his tenets. You smile; don't you?
Sex is the spiritual demonstration of our love using our bodies. Therefore, it is difficult nowadays for anyone to give an excuse that they cannot have sex with their partners because they are far except if there is no communication since they can have sex by proxy.
In the course of sex by proxy, the couple could employ the phone (phone sex), internet (cyber sex), erotic letters (erotic mails) through which they defy distance to maintain their soul bonding and partially attain the pleasure of sex. Erotic letters could be wishful thinking and wishful thinking is not different from mere desires.
Before the advent of the internet, couples who were distant from each other communicated via letters and then after the invention of the phone via the phone. Now, there is the internet, and many other technologies for couples to communicate intimately, even if they are far off each other. Through this communication, they could have sex as explained above to keep the bond. If blood is the main requirement in a covenant, sex is the one in a marital relationship. That is the reason why abandonment is one of the reasons why a spouse is permitted to divorce (I Cor 7:14-15) because by abandoning your post, you break the bond that existed via sex; thus, you are considered dead (Rom 7:1-3). Since a covenant requires two living beings, then the one who is alive is permitted to look for another partner for a new covenant. Immediately, the methodology sets in.
However, the best solution for loneliness is self control and not masturbation or marriage since even in marriage, one can still masturbate and be lonely. There is a gross mistake to think that sexual intercourse can only be successful when one goes beyond the natural and start to act like a demented individual or by instincts. The clitoris could be stimulated with the fingers far better than the tongue and soft wet hands could produce more stimulation on the penis shaft more than the mouth. In no way am I saying that oral sex is prohibited or aghast.
One other question you asked was about toys. When a couple mutually agrees on how to have sex, they could practice any type of safe sex they enjoy. It would be lack of altruism for a man who cannot perform well to refuse using toys. As with every medicine, the use of sexual stimulants have their long term effects. Proper dieting and exercise will keep you up for a long time and many years to come, else you will be forced to sit on a chair and watch her perform.
Couples (especially the men) should learn to be patient. The woman does not get orgasm by penetration only or most of the times. Most get orgasm by their clitoris being fondled for long. Therefore, if you play with the clitoris for a long time before penetration, the woman should be satisfied. That means; penetration just comes to top it up. Couples should use different sexual positions, and there are no special positions reserved only for the Christians.
Above all, sex being a spiritual exercise is important for couples to show love and prepare themselves well for sex. They should be ready at all times. Boy, you make me sound so sinful!
Until then, there is no such thing as Christian sex.
Prince & PA Hamilton Ayuk
“No matter how a rat becomes the house pet, if it is sleeping beside the bag of groundnuts the owner may not have much sleep. ” (Hamilton Ayuk)."If a goat runs from the owner’s leash it will be tied by the council in a market square" Hamilton Ayuk).