Sunday, May 24, 2009

“I Was Overlooked AS Head of Department”.

Grecia taught ESOL in one school. She worked daily as if waiting for some remuneration other than her salary. No one knew why she did that except herself. The former head of department resigned and Grecia was invited to the office to inform her that they were looking for a new head of department. Probably she gave her input but did not suggest herself as a possible replacement. When a new head was being appointed, she was left out. She went to Tonilmah her nearest colleague and told him that she wanted to see him urgently. Tonilmah was talking with his students and wanted to complete his conversation. She went back again and told him that she wanted to talk to him urgently. So he stepped out to listen to her and she told him: “I am so mad; I want to leave”. Her colleague asked her why and she informed him that “it is because I think that I have been treated badly. I was supposed to be the head of department but they did not; instead they gave it to Cialia. You know how you and I have worked in this department to give it the facelift it has now. I hope she does not come to mess up things again”

Tonilmah retorted “but why don’t you write the administrators and tell them your displeasure”. “I have spoken with them and she only wants to speak it out” she replied. Tonilmah said “you see; this is the hypocrisy with many of you that I don’t understand. We were in a meeting today when they said they have a new head of department. If you did not like it why did you not raise your opinion”? Grecia said she did not want everyone to hear. Tonilmah then added “but again that is still hypocrisy. If I were you I would have said, “Mrs., please permit me to comment on the announcement you just made. I have nothing against the other person but why are you not giving me that position”? “Then everybody will think I am fighting for the post though” Grecia frantically replied.

The thing kept bothering her and she went to see Tonilmah again and asked if Tonilmah was going to trade places with her since the latter was transferred to another school. Tonilmah accepted. She asked Tonilmah to write to the administrators to tell them that she wants to leave by exchanging places with him. Tonilmah told her “sure there is no problem if that will make you happy”.

Dear friends, she was in a meeting but did not raise any objection when they told her they wanted to make a new head of department. She would have given her reasons why she thinks so. Yet she kept quiet only to lament and lose her joy behind. The porcupine has hidden things in its stomach until its entrails have been embittered. Such behavior makes people explode and innocent bystanders pay for the fragments and residual effect.

One common mistake people constantly do is to think that the other person knows what they want. People should learn “seek and you will find; ask and it shall be given unto you and knock and it shall be opened.

Many people feel defeated before anything that they feel it would not be given them. So they just don’t ask. But you must try first though. A student had told me one time that that he loved a girl. Everyday he tried for me to talk to the girl and he even told me to pair them up to work together. I will call him outside and say: "son, I am not a dating agency". One day I called him outside my classroom and told him this: "son, this girl has only two answers to give you. Yes or no. If she says yes, you stay and become her friend but if she says no you move on as a loser and look for a new friend. But you must give it your best efforts". To his greatest surprise when he spoke to the girl, she surprisingly not just liked but loved him. Imagine if he did not speak to the girl.

I was taking my cousin to survey the route to her new job and we missed our direction. Since I was teaching her how to drive, I always let her drive. I hate to get lost so I kept telling her to stop and ask for direction. She kept arguing with me: “I don’t want these Americans to start looking at me like I am stupid”. I said but aren't we stupid that we do not know where we are going yet we refuse to ask for directions? Morse so, it does not matter because these people don’t know us and even if they knew us it still does not matter. She began berating me so I just left her alone and went me to sleep. An hour later, she woke me up from sleep; scolding me for sleeping while she is looking for directions. I told her I do not want to sit and be arguing with her. If she is tired she should give me the steering. She was now tired and gave me the car. I immediately just drove to the nearest gas station and asked for direction. They gave us the direction and the place was one hour behind from where we came from. Ask and it shall be given unto you. Do not presuppose that the other person knows what you want. Your wants are your wants and not theirs.

A man was complaining that he wanted a divorce because his wife did not know how to please him. “Have you told her you are not being pleased”? The pastor asked. He quickly retorted to the pastor “why should I tell her, isn’t that a given that she should know that? Can’t she figure that out?” He added. “Mistake! You have to tell her and she has to tell you too if she is not being please” the pastor emphasized. Ask and you will receive people! Yes, I said ask! You like a girl; ask and let her refuse. He went home shared it with the wife and they decided to buy books and videos to learn together. Ten years after, they were still joyfully married.

If you love a boy ask first and let him refuse before you conclude. If you like a position ask and let your boss refuse before you conclude. If the opressed does not ask for freedom, the oppressor never auto-thinks to give freedom that is not asked. Never assume your next door neighbor knows your needs if it is not physical. One can easily see physical needs but emotional and psychological needs are difficult to see so you will need to ask. There is nothing bad in asking to be pleased. See, Grecia did not ask and now she lives in regrets and internal turmoil. I feel sorry for her and do wish her well.
Until then, share your needs and you may find a solution.
Prince & PA Hamilton Ayuk

“No matter how a rat becomes the house pet, if it is sleeping beside the bag of groundnuts the owner may not have much sleep. ” (Hamilton Ayuk)."If a goat runs from the owner’s leash it will be tied by the council in a market square" Hamilton Ayuk).

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