Monday, May 11, 2009

I Married You For Children

The Bible says that it is not good that a man should live alone (Gen 2:18). In other words; marriage is to absorb loneliness though there are many married people who are lonely. Yet there seems to be a trend nowadays that when anyone gets married it is to have children. Indeed procreation is the only means through which children should be born and marriage is the only divine authorized means to have sex and make babies. Yet it saddens me how people think that once you get married it is for children.

In Africa and most oriental societies, if you get married and the first 9 months your wife does not show any signs of pregnancy they question you what is wrong. Some of them advise you to get a second wife. They never think the problem could actually be with the man too. That is how some people get themselves into polygyny. At times parents may tell you to still keep that one but that they will give you a baby maker. The West calls that surrogate mom. In the olden days it was not by invitro; it was really by the surrogate spreading it to the husband so she can bear them a child. That at times was a risky venture that ended with the surrogate becoming the Mrs. So that of collecting the man’s seeds (if he has any at all) and then inject the surrogate is better.

But then, the society must know that the childless woman feels great pressure within that she does not need any from anywhere again. Aren’t you aware that at a given time the house seems empty and the pressure mounts within her? She too wants to fill that emptiness especially when there is noise, cries and laughter from next door that even the couples that do not naturally want a child adopt. That way they too can feel what the others are feeling. That is a natural need that perhaps God has put in mankind.

If a man is getting married he should realize that he was not getting married for children. If God gives them any they should be thankful but if they don’t they should appreciate each other. People say you need to have children so that when you get old they will take care of you. One thing they fail to learn from life is that those same kids may end up the ones you have to take care of even after your death.

By the way there is social security. People should learn how to prepare themselves for old age. They should save money in social security and other plans so that they do not have to worry about someone taking care of them when they get old. Others argue that the Nursing home may not cater for you like your own children. If the children were even taking care of their parents, there would not be any nursing home because nursing homes were initially started for seniors who did not have children or caretakers.

Furthermore, what about the people who have children and by the time the children are grown up they all die . I remember a woman who buried all her children before she could even get old . Did they have children? Are those children alive to help them? Some even who are alive do not wait for you to die; they kill you themselves . Many people have buried their children rather than their children burying them. Marriage should first be for the enjoyment of those two people and not for children and others. That is why marriages are so strenuous today because people say you need to save for the children.

I have often argued that if all the children I am catering for, do not think about helping me tomorrow when I get old because they are not my real children so be it. Let me die and go after all; heaven is not a poison chamber. I do not intend to stress my life to save for anyone in the name of kids. I will enjoy with my wife that God has given me and if we do not finish what we have; our kids will inherit them. But we will not live ascetic lives just so some lazy person in the name of my kid has an inheritance. How much did Einstein or Bill Gates inherit from their parents? How many of you who made it today, inherited anything from your parents?
Until then, couples should enjoy their marriage.
Prince & PA Hamilton Ayuk

“No matter how a rat becomes the house pet, if it is sleeping beside the bag of groundnuts the owner may not have much sleep. ” (Hamilton Ayuk)."If a goat runs from the owner’s leash it will be tied by the council in a market square" Hamilton Ayuk).

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