Tuesday, April 21, 2009

What Type of relationship are you in?

Many people are in different relationships. Some of you have boyfriends who beat you either with words or hands, and others have women who are televisions and radios; they yap and nag all day long. Are those good relationships? Others have friends with benefits while others are always giving but never receiving anything. Behold, I introduce to you the different relationships. I will describe the different types and let you see which one you are in and which one is the best.

The first type is predator relationship. There are some of you out there like predators. I mean those who sleep with women, get them pregnant and run away. These women should not open their legs just anyhow and to whomever. They are generally called sperm donors and debtbeat dads or absentee dads. There are those who scam gullible women and ignoramuses. There are government officials and police officers in Africa who extort money and sex from the populace. They are predators. Then those university students who are now armed robbers because they graduated and cannot find work. Or you keep a child in your house and when she thinks she is a grown up and wants to leave, she accuses you of slavery. Another example: you take a friend of yours into your home and later the theobroma cacao of your wife becomes his. That is predator relationship! There are women out there called golddiggers. They use men as their preys for their wealth. After they squeezed everything off you, they drop you down like a rotten mango. They are predators.

The second is called consumer or heterotroph relationship. This is the type for people who get up in the morning, watch TV with popcorn by their side, then go on the internet with ice-cream beside them, eat everything edible, drink all the beer in the house, take a shower, and go to bed without doing anything. The husband or wife is their jackass. They do not do anything. All they do is watch Desperate Housewife, Jerry Springer, sports and listen to Howard Stern. Then they try to act it out in a super market. Actually, the fact of having consumers in the house makes you work harder, and the society keeps needing. The presence of needs is what makes the society to keep trying because producers have to keep working. So actually they are not that too bad since they make you work harder.You smile; don't you? One person foots all the bills in the house, but the other does not seem to even care. No wonder the one footing the bills looks like stockfish because the trouble of living with you is good enough to help them lose weight.

The third is the host relationship. This is a relationship where one person takes in people into his or her home. Most of us have kept many people in our homes for years. This is an opportunity to stack blessings in heaven. Sometimes you do not need to wait until you reach heaven. I kept someone and when I lost my job, he turned and hosted me for more than a year for free. He was my host. Everybody should leave their doors open. However, there is another type of host we call serial dater whose lollipop or candy is sucked or licked by even strangers anywhere anytime. He or she has an open door policy! You just tell them where you live, and they will be your guest. At that time, you are a host. Look at you playing host now. You do know one or two like that.

The fourth is the symbiotic relationship. This is an interdependent relationship between two different people. See, the fact that you are divorced means you and your spouse were different. This is the type of relationship where two people: a man and his ex wife are still living together though divorced due to the cost of divorce or difficulty in selling the home. The man goes in and out with other ladies, and the woman does same. Or the people are divorced, but they still  bump and grind together.

The fifth relationship is called commensalism. This is a relationship between two people in which one person is helped and the other is neither helped nor harmed. This is where the sugar daddies and sugar mommas come in. The cougars also fall into this category. Another example is neighbors who visit because they do not have cable TV. They come and watch the TV and go away. Or people to whom you give rides. They obtain the ride and then go away. You really do not benefit anything in that relationship, but they are not hurting you in anyway.  You can also have a woman to whom you  show all the love, but she doe snot replicate back because she does not want to be hurt. This is  a dead end relationship.

The sixth is the prey relationship. Some people have made themselves earthworms that they are now prey to everyone. Everybody wants to eat them up. I mean those men and women who sleep in every corner. You are a prey. For some women, their legs will only be closed when they are dead because they have taken the specialty of spreading them to the highest bidder, and then they argue that they cannot help it. You see, if you don’t want vultures to eat you, you shouldn’t die. Actually, preys are necessary because we cannot have a world of only predators. Take for example; if the brothels were closed, some women will never have a real man touch them.

The seventh is the decomposer relationship. This is an organism that breaks down and gains nutrients from dead organisms. These are the pastors who pretend to be healing but are stealing from the poor. They are like most pastors today! In other words; they die spiritually to benefit from these faithful people who truly want to give to God.  These are also the masseuse who massage you until they suck nectar or lick ambrosia from your thoebroma cacao.

The parasite relationship is the eighth. This is an organism which feeds on (but usually does not kill) a larger organism. These are the type of people who live on others. He never buys you a drink. When you ask him for one, he becomes a Born Again and offers the excuse: "you know that I am now a Christian, so I don’t drink,” but when he was drinking yours, he was not a Christian. He is only one when he has to buy. The type of men and women who date for money and when things are hard, they run away, or the type of men and women who though married, still have sanchos and sanchas; thereby cuckolding the man or woman. When you have money, they are all by your side; calling you all the titles on earth and singing your praises as the best human being they have ever met. Parasites are actually good because they feed on the ego of braggarts and braggadocios. They make their victims feel important.

The ninth type is called producer or autotroph relationship. These are the type of people who get up in the morning, go to work; toil day and night trying to put food on the table, clothes on the backs and shoes on their feet and those of the needy. These are the people who actually do things than they speak. However, they over work that they do not have time to actually date or maintain a relationship, talk less of working on one serious one. This too is very dysfunctional!

The tenth type is called mutualism. This is the type of relationship where both benefit. This is what every relationship should be about. I do not understand why two illegal immigrants get married rather than using a stone to shoot two birds; love and legality. While both of you are benefiting from love, at least you are having papers too.This is the type of relationship where both strive for the relationship to work. They cover their eyes to trifles and concentrate on the big picture. This type actually strives for love and the couples live longer too.

Until then, a good relationship benefits both partners.

Prince & PA Hamilton Ayuk.

“No matter how a rat becomes the house pet, if it is sleeping beside the bag of groundnuts the owner may not have much sleep. ” (Hamilton Ayuk)."If a goat runs from the owner’s leash it will be tied by the council in a market square" Hamilton Ayuk).

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