Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Mr. Musa’s Children: Seeyambam

She is a nurse with Hollywood Children’s Hospital in Atlanta. She left Cameroon as a trained anthropologist, but now she is a nurse in the US. The difference between the nurse in the US and the one in Cameroon is that, the nurse in Cameroon knows about medicines, prescription and care giving with a bit of bribe too. Some will tell you: “the patient must shake their body, if not they will die here. That is not what I eat.” When you yelp "aaii' because of acute pain, the nurse will tell you, "Why don’t you cry ouyii ouyii, look at your head!” However, they know about medicine and could even carry successful surgery. When she wants to inject you, she does it as if she had scores to settle. She would insert the whole needle, squeezing your thin or fat backside until you shiver.

Last year, she went home with a smock-frock as if she was a doctor. The villagers quickly gathered for some medicine, but she did not know anything about what medicine to prescribe, even for headache until she prescribed nivaquine to a young science student for his headache. When confronted, she said it was because it is against the law in the US for a nurse to prescribe drugs to patients. On the other hand, her Cameroonian compatriots were prescribing successfully for the people. Something else was worse; her love life was insipid too.

Neighbors and past pretenders said she should have written the sing above on her door.
Her parents foresaw her destiny that they named her that way; meaning: look at your bengbengkiri (thick  behinds). The guy with a tire shop told the community that she was a very parsimonious girl but will disburse her fortune to buy a donor. When she goes to his shop, she will make him do her tires, she will start turning and twisting her butt, up and down, left and right like Bobaraba dancers. She usually succeeded because though he was married, he fantasized seeing her. Her behinds were beautiful and nice looking that you look and then relooked, as if you did not see well the first time. Perhaps that is why most men enjoy when she comes to give them "nursing care."

She had a footballer boyfriend who has passed his prime that she paraded in places just so she boosts her points but when the donor annoys her, she will say this, “Andrew, do you know what you are, right? You are playing with me with that your coconut head. I will burst it now and then go to jail.” “Weti I do again (what have I done again),” Andrew will retort in Pidgin. “I no fit di feed you, put clothes for that your rotten lass, only say make you cam di follow yoryette them for party. Cam give me my keys. I no want see you for that house today (I cannot be feeding you, put clothes on your stinking ass only for you to run after teenagers in a party. Come and give my car and house keys. I don't want to see you in that house today).” No matter with whom Andrew was talking, he will put the conversation off to a later date. “My nga don vex. I get for go (My girl is angry, so I have to go).” “Why dat your nyango like for craze so too (why does your girlfriend always goes mad)?” His friends will ask. “Na so i dey oh. I just dey me dey for chop my own (That is the way she is. I am just there to take my own share)” He will explain. “Ok player, hurry go before you sleep for cold.” His friends will advise. A stranger who was in the meeting asked the people around: “What is that star’s name”. See, See, See yam yam yam bammm!” A pompous stammerer quickly answered. “Mingri,why can't you allow people who can speak to speak? Her name is Seeyambam!” A guy in long-sleeves rejoined.

Until then, beware; better single than have a Seeyambam.

Prince and PA Hamilton Ayuk

“No matter how a rat becomes the house pet, if it is sleeping beside the bag of groundnuts the owner may not have much sleep. ” (Hamilton Ayuk)."If a goat runs from the owner’s leash it will be tied by the council in a market square" Hamilton Ayuk).

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