Saturday, August 30, 2008

The RNs of Africa In America

RN stands for Registered Nurse. At least one achievement is that they are truly what they say they are. Sometimes some Caring Nurse Assistants (CNA) deceive people that they too are nurses. They are not; they are just the usual big names the West gives to professions so that their bearers feel good. They are not different from the legal assistants we generally call in Africa “charge and bail lawyers”. Yet, one thing is striking out amongst the African community in America about these RNs. Almost all are experiencing hard times in their marriages, and many have divorced. In almost all the killings where the husband killed the wife, she was an RN.

We have these new African crops who never ever knew they will make the money they make as RNs. They are disrespectful that one doubts no more why they live in tattered marriages. Most of their marriages are merely marriages of convenience.

Most of the women were sponsored by the man; he used his savings to bring  her from Africa and then trained her thinking she will be his milky cow. The woman knew he was ugly, she knew he was not educated, and she knew he was not good enough for public eye, yet she hung on him like chewing gum until he brought her to the US. After he brought her, he used his money doing the same odd job she abhors to send her to the Nursing school, supported her as she stayed home to bare them kids, and once she passed the RN board exam, suddenly the man becomes no good. Not everybody takes a loss the same way. While some may take those loses easy, others may not. Research on court TV (now true TV) reveals many spouses killed their partners for monetary gains or for fear to lose money in a divorce. If a spouse wants to go, there are better ways to go away without those tantrums and trying to mess the man up deeper than she met him.

A man was in the process of divorce; he was a struggling guy who had bought his Lexus before even his wife knew him. When she came, he gave her the Lexus while he drove the Carina that emitted sounds of an airplane when he drove by. When they had a separation, she requested for the car, so she could drive another boyfriend. I counseled the young man to leave it and not fight back. "If she can leave your hands, don’t worry you will work to buy another car." Within two months she had made two accidents and after some time, she came back home. If you treat people well, you do not need to fear if they find a sweettalker. Not at all! When reality finally sets in, she will come back.

The men have also contributed to their trouble. They are in the 21st century but want to live like in the 19th Century. Why play boss in a marital home? Nowadays the societal dynamics are different. Gone are the days when taking care of your own child was the woman’s job. Because many kids are raised by single parents the results are disastrous; pure disasters in schools. Even if you are the only bread winner that does not exempt you from helping in house duties. Some of these women have the right to worry with your physiognomy too. When they married you, you had a flat stomach but now you look more like when she is pregnant especially because when the men go home, they always marry the beauty queens who are desperate to escape their deathtrap.

Some African men task their wives to stay young and slim. Gentlemen, even sticks face entropy and get old. Why should not the woman? Indeed a woman should always be more beautiful than the husband. If it is the opposite, we can still accept it because in every scientific law there are exceptions. You smile; don’t you? Women always like a man they can show off in public. Here again is one great mistake they make.

The folly of most of these men is that they do not have anything to fall back home if someone took everything from them. If you are a foreigner; before you invest in a foreign land invest first in your home country. When western men enact such idiocy one may sympathize with them because they have nowhere else to go though it is still not an excuse to take away human life. They become so desperate and think killing is the answer. They have no investment at home; they have no house they could live in if the one here changed ownership. Living a quarter of their lives abroad has robbed away their basic culture and made them outsiders. Recklessness drives them insane to kill their wives. What can anyone give in exchange for human life? Tell me what? They lost a house, savings but not a future. Do they think about making their children orphans?

Listen to me: the God we serve is just. If your hands are innocent, he will not abandon you in times of need. You do not need to go to church! God has always stood with those who are wrongly treated. Let them go with it.

Sharon was a Methodist lady we were moving with Living Spring Movers. We moved at least someone everyday; at times we moved more. Almost all were Christians, and most were women divorcing. I liked to ask them why they were moving. Sharon stuck in my mind because she was in her fourth marriage at 36 and was divorcing while the husband: a computer engineer had gone to Europe for a company assignment. She was emptying the house and I asked her: “hey miss can’t you leave the man even a bed” and she retorted: “I will not”. I began propping her; she got irritated and warned me she may report me to my company. I did not care because the job was not my real job; it was my summer exercise job since I do not go to the gym. I do not like to go to the gym to lift weights with no one paying me, so I prefer to go and work for a moving company where I use one stone to shoot three birds: money, exercise and friends. As I persisted, Sharon told me that some of the things she was taking were from her previous marriage. She took things that do not belong to her, and she moved from one home to another with the curse. Some people take all or what they did not work for from the other spouse and misery has been their bedfellow thenceforth.

However, for some the men have not contributed anything. Just like women; even ugly ones like to be flattered that they are beautiful. Men too like to be flattered; even weaklings like to hear that they are the strongest. Make them feel like they are the head but you know who is really in charge. This is not the reason to look down on them. It baffles me why some men are not comfy when their wives make more money than them.

God made man perfect, but he has sort his own invention (Eccl 7:29). Humanity is not an automaton; if suppressed and oppressed for long will react; leaving nefarious footprints. Never do anything to anyone because you expect a pay back. Never bring anyone from Africa because you expect them to marry you. Do it because it is the right thing to do and the rest can follow so that they do not owe you any allegiance. If you treat people well you do not need to fear they will run away.

Until then: riches without etiquette only brings unhappiness.

Prince & PA Hamilton Ayuk

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