Saturday, July 12, 2008

Lack of proper communication kills even healthy relationships.

I have written an article on good communication about tens years ago and could not retrace a copy. But there are some issues I wanted to reiterate about communication. There is a false myth that communication is talking. A couple could talk all day long as they want that is not all about communication. Communication entails more than just talking. Take for instance when you are driving on the highway and see a Deer-Crossing sign that tells you to be vigilant. Is anyone explaining anything to you? Not at all! When men see a woman whose dressing is showing too much flesh men think she is elephant meant. Elephant meat is meat that has no owner; anyone could just get their share and take home. No one could carry that home because it could end up killing him or her.
Therefore, every action of humans is a message we send. In communication we have three elements: sender, message and recipient. The sender does not need to talk but whatever they do or say is a message to those who watch and listen to them. Couples think that simply because they explain everything to their spouse they are communicating. That is not true. If you are telling your wife you love her and you are embracing her with closed fists sends another message though you have explained to her you love her. Is that proper communication? Not at all! That means; for communication to be successful there should be harmony between the words and the actions.
If a man rapes a child; he is sending a message that he is a child molester. He does not need to say it but that is the message the community (recipient) receives. The wife has two alternatives: forgive or divorce him. If she chooses to divorce him the message she gives is that she is unforgivable. She does not have to say it. While divorce may be permitted it is not encouraged; rather, 490 times a day forgiveness is required.
People always get mixed signals from their spouses. That is why they get confused and cannot really lay their hands on something concrete. They talk and talk and think they are communicating but communication is more than just talking. Sometimes it could be idle banters of lovebirds. While words are very important in communication the other senses consider actions and other aspects of communication to decode the message.
You could tell your spouse myriads of times how you love them but if she finds you kissing another partner, the message is different. Did you communicate to her? You just told her she/him that he or she is not alone; that you have their replacement. The fruit of the spirit: love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, patience, self-control and perseverance are all aspects of communication.
Just because a couple steps out and they are talking does not mean they are communicating. They could just be idle chitchatting to show off. In proper communication the transmission (message) must leave the sender, goes to the recipient, he or she gets it and it means something for that aspect of communication to be complete. Did you know some couples only talk when they are in public? Is that communication? What about those couples who come to a party and only dance with other partners? Is there communication? My friends, whatever act you do is a message you give to people.

Until then, let us learn to properly communicate.

Prince & PA Hamilton Ayuk

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