Tuesday, February 5, 2008

The Secret of Conflict Resolution.

There is no wound that balm does not heal. For the time that I have been as a minister and lived as a leader, even if hearts were broken and turn into dust, bodies separated from each other for centuries and sins high up like a mountain love surpasses all and love brings resurrection and healings.
There are four types of conflicts: Humanity versus society, Humanity versus Humanity, Humanity versus self and Humanity versus nature. To solve the conflict between Humanity and society we have enacted jails though the jails in America are modern slave plantations making people to work for free. The conflict between Humanity versus nature has been tough to resolve; earthquakes here and there, and tornadoes constantly sapping away lives. Since man is so existentialist we name the hurricanes mostly after women to have a psychological escape. Yet these natural disasters have inflicted untold havoc cumbersome to carry for many who are now alive and those dead and forgotten. People have been raising solutions only on how to solve one type of conflict and the rest neglected.
The solution to the conflict between humanity and self is that the individuals must engage in positive self esteem building or boosting their self confidence. They also need a mentor and align themselves with people who are positive minded and success oriented because unlike failure which is an orphan success has many brothers and sisters. The adults need to share it with their friends and for children they need to share their internal fears with their parents. Teenagers make the mistake of thinking their parents would not understand and that their friends understand better. That is a mistake. That is why the highest rate of deaths amongst teenagers comes from suicide. They take in more than they can keep and drown themselves in depression and finally suicide. Our inner worries and fears cannot be solved with inner worries and fears. The Christians must look unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith before they start to look unto themselves. Then the individual must remove their eyes from themselves and place them unto God who does not fail and will never fail.
There will be wars and rumors of wars and there will be earthquakes and tornadoes because with the fall of man evil was brought into the world and nature was given the right to rebel against humanity. When humanity wins the ultimate battle to submit to God then all other things will resubmit to it. That means; no matter what science brings and what equipment we invent we will only reduce the rebellion of natural forces but we will never prevent them. That is a lost battle. The conflict between nature and humanity will never be solved until there is a new earth and a new heaven.
To solve the conflict between humanity versus society the best way will not be three strikes you are out. I acknowledge there should be jails but when they are used as modern slave plantations they lose the reformatory purposes for which jails were intended. Jails should not have the prime motive of ostracism. The Greeks practiced it with political juggernauts or those problem oriented politicians and the French exhibited it by sending Alfred Dreyfus to the Devil Island in solitary confinement. That sounds to me as mere sanctimony and epicaricacy. Why are undocumented immigrants caged up in American jails for more than two years? If you do not want them in your country deport them. People should not be locked up for life.
In June 2007 the Home office of Great Britain came up with the proposition of chemical castration: a method in which serious sex offenders will take in chemicals to reduce their libido. Castration in any form is tampering with the reproductive plan of God because while God says people should go out and multiply castration renders them sterile. A win-win solution is for countries to pass a law where before a given age you must get married since statistics have proven that most serious sex offenses have been committed by single people. Let us take a look at the conflict between humans.
If two people are quarreling because of bad elections let the one who is declared the winner acknowledge the one who was not favored and withdraw some of the faulty statements about his or her opponent. That creates credibility and builds a rapport between him and his opponent. He and his team should acknowledge the instances where the constitution was not respected, condemn them, and then take immediate steps to correct them.
Never taunt your opponent in the aftermath of an election. It would be a lack of tact, leadership and maturity that will divide you guys the more. It does not matter how many followers he has. After all; it does not matter how many people you have in your country you are still the president of your country. The president of Seychelles has 600, 000 people in his country but he is still sitting in the UN with nations that have 200 millions.
When a conflict comes up acknowledged the problems, be honest and frank with the defaulters. That is; be able to tell your friends they are wrong. There was a marital problem that was in my prayer cell. Right then I was the prayer cell leader. The couple did not tell me because I was not married. They inferred I could not handle it. They took it to the married church leaders but it did not work. They took it for counseling it did not work. Then a prayer cell member whose marriage I had saved whispered to me what was going on. I requested to talk to the couple. Monday, at 6:00 p.m I visited them. On that day the lady’s things were on the floor by the door side. The man had another woman on the bed while the wife and her kids were in the living room. Ichabod. This is one of those occasions where you ask yourself “are we still worshipping the same God”.
I asked the husband snatcher to leave first and she left. I sat the couple facing each other and then I sat on the end of table with one on my right and the other on my left. I asked the man to tell me why he was angry. He did and I wrote all his anger down. I asked the woman to tell me why she was angry and as you can imagine she spoke for about 2 hours even things when they just newly got married. Then I asked them if they believe in the Bible and if they will accept the decision of the Bible. If they are not Christians then use any other authority that the belligerents will adhere to. I also asked them if they will accept my decision. Each of them accepted. I have established myself as a very objective leader that they all knew in church. My judgments were not always right but they knew that even my wrongness had no malice; it was a mere error. If I was in error and realized it I took immediate steps to correct it because immediate steps to correct a mistake, shows it was not intentional. So I asked each of them to pick their bibles and they did. We decided that each time the cause of your anger was right the other partner will apologize to you and if it was wrong you will apologize to the other person. That was tough for the woman to apologize to the man. But the love and respect she had for me and God humbled her.
As we went through their grievances and chagrins with each apologizing and repenting, by 5:30 a.m we were all soaked in our mistakes and hurts that forgiveness flowed like a river and took away their hatred and anger to the devil. Love took over surpassing every insult that peace and joy were jumping in every corner of the room; waking up the kids and neighbors. There will be no meaningful reconciliation if both hurters do not sit face to face or where there is no codified law governing them.
Many people try to resolve their problems by postponement, solicit outside intervention, fight, surrender or compromise. Those who postpone, end up as losers because sometimes opportunities come but once. The ones that solicit outside intervention may use money to buy malaria because they could be soliciting it from the wrong source. Others just prefer to use a grenade to kill cockroaches. That is; they prefer to fight and after they fight sometimes they may win the battle but lose the war. Take for instance the modern woman: she has won the feminist battle but lost that of keeping a home.
Nowadays since most kids are not taught conflict resolution skills they turn to surrender in the face of little trials and temptations. Indeed only cowards surrender. So if all the other solutions have bigger lacunas what about the last one: compromise. This is the solution we will generally call the win-win solution. In this solution the parties come to the table, they discuss and finally each accepts to lose and win something. No one wins or loses everything. In this mindset of compromise we will solve many problems that otherwise we would have blown open our rooftops.
Two he-goats were tied with the same rope on each end of the rope. The one on the right wanted to go and eat the grass on the right and the one on the left wanted to eat the grass on its left. They kept fighting but none was eating. They fought until they were tired and then they spoke together that they will go and eat on the left and then go and eat on the right. That is compromise and each person wins.
In the midst of a win-win solution there are a couple of methods we could use. The first is for the two people in conflict to talk and try to resolve their problem between them. There is no conflict that can be solved without talking. We must stop running away rather than talking if we want to make our lives better on earth. Express your grievance rather than bury it within. The porcupine has hidden things in its stomach until its entrails have been embittered. If they cannot solve it then they take it to their peers. If the mediation of their peers fails they should take it to the community leaders. If the community leaders disappoint them they should go to court and let the recourse of the courts be their last resort. But if they are siblings they should take it to their parents first before they involved an outsider. A family problem taken outside during the day may invite a wicked hand at night.
Here is a blueprint for ministers and community leaders to solve problems. This one has always worked for me.
Here is the blue print.
1. Acknowledge that there is a problem.
2. Invite someone you both trust and respect.
3. Determine the basis for your reconciliation. The Christians will use the Bible
4. Each should have a pen and paper
5. Take down notes and do not contest what the other person has said but you may explain why you did what they were accusing you. At times by explanation we ended realizing it was a miscommunication
6. When a point is raised, look into the Bible and see what it says and how it treats such a point. Then ask the guilty part on that point what they want to do repent or reject it. Because all accept the Bible they repent.
7. Let the party from whom forgiveness is sought react.

Until then, my desire is for us to live peacefully.

Prince & PA Hamilton Ayuk

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