Saturday, January 26, 2008

Does God Owe Humanity Anything: Part 2.

Mr. Steve, Dr Konde and SAF,
Thanks for the reactions. However, the quotation Mr. Steve gave me credit is not my original thought but a paraphrase from I Cor 13:12 in the Bible. True, I have never lived in this world and so cannot boast of tomorrow. That is why I live by faith. Yet my faith is as a result of the substance of things I hope for, the evidence of things I do not see. These beliefs are true due to certain considerations. Firstly, it concerns the nature of the person who made them. He neither tells lies nor breaks his promises. This again will immediately confront the claims posed by SAF who questions the authorship of the Bible. I will resolve the issue blow. Secondly, though I have not tested all these beliefs but I have tried those that could be experimented and they have been fulfilled. So I consider the rest authentic and infallible. Thirdly, the empiricism of historicity, archeology, science and life experiences of others all do confirm these beliefs are true.
Indeed like before I still agree with Dr Konde that God owes humanity something; that of preservation. Yet I do disagree with him that God owes humanity nothing because he has given him reason. The reason that God has given humanity is not finite but infinite. Thus, it’s pruned to errors and lacks full sustainability. Consequently, humanity still needs a guide. That guide must be infinite and the only Person with infinite knowledge is God himself. Thus humanity must rely on God to make wise choices. Yet this dependence is not for mankind to function instinctively but rather explore its reason to the fullest until when it experiences its elasticity limit. That means; no one should be praying for God to help them polish their shoes when they can just pick a brush and polish to do it themselves. No one should be praying for God to help them eat while they have all it takes to eat. Rather they should thank God for the meal. It is aberrational not to study but pray for God to help you pass an exam. Perhaps in this light we may say God does not owe us anything because it is hear say like SAF alleges.
But then if God does not promise us anything because what the Bible has registered is just hearsay then we do reject history too, archaeology, and science since they all authenticate the Bible as being true. If the Bible in which the promises are registered itself is true then automatically the promises are true.
In 1998 I went to Fako to conduct a survey for economic and social indicators of the South West Province. There was house number 176 in Buea Town. The house was no more there apart from the plot. The name of the owner was inscribed in the middle of the map I had. I located the land then asked a neighbor if they knew Mr. so and so. He told me he did not meet him but neighbors told him about him. They told me he was a nice gentleman and very kind. He played with everybody but he moved to Bokwango now with his family. We then drove to Bokwango and located the gentleman’s wife because he was now of blessed memory. She too narrated his life to us. In the midst of two witnesses a testimony shall be established. We could now pen down a summation of the gentleman’s life by virtue of the fact that though we did not see him but he lived, owned that piece of property and was a good man as testified by his neighbors, the property, Buea authorities (map) and the wife.
Truth does not need to be witnessed to be truth because truth does not need brothers; lies do, for truth can stand on its own. The veracity of the Bible is no more under question because historicity, science, archeology and personal testimonies all prove that the Bible is true as such, though we were not there we believe by faith that what is written in it is true. Therefore, the promises of the Bible are yes and amen.
Finally, contrary to what SAF alleges there is nowhere that the Bible says God helps those who help themselves. It is a humanistic philosophy that crept into religious milieus because it makes man the sole captain of his boat (life) and thus his own god. God helps those who need help and are helpless. Jesus authenticated that belief when he said that the doctor is not for those who are well but for the patients (Mt 9:12; Mk 2; 17; Lk 5:31). Again there is no verse that says we are our brother’s keeper. The notion is a question to Cain when God asked him about Able his brother then he replied with: "Am I my brother’s keeper” (Gen 4:9). Nonetheless, there is the concept as taught in the Good Samaritan and the two most important commandments of love God 100% and your neighbor as yourself (Mt 22:37-40). If everyone cared for their brother and their brother did same then no one will feel unsafe in this world. Then no one will be lonely, poor, and oppressed in this world. Unfortunately, we do not care for our sisters and our sisters do not care for us.
These shortcomings are not the responsibilities of God since he has given you a volition and ability to care for your brother as yourself and for your sister to care for you as herself. Would you blame a doctor if their patient refused to take their medicine and died? Would you blame a lawyer if their client decides to plead guilty against their counsel? Like I said before; humanity sometimes makes wise decisions but other times it makes foolish ones. And not being our brothers and sisters keeps is one of them.

Until then, God does not owe humanity anything yet owes humanity something.

Prince & PA Hamilton Ayuk.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Does God Owe Humanity Anything?

After writing this lesson I did not save it and deleted it. I had to rewrite it again. Worst of it all I type only with two fingers. So this lesson is dear to me for all the efforts since most articles will take 30 mins or longer like: “The Myth of Bill Clinton” Remystified . This particular article though short took much time because I had to reverify the verses again for the second time. Thank God I finally did it.
As a young Christian I have heard many preachers tell their congregations: “the Lord God does not owe you anything. He does all what he wants.” Most cited Ps 115:3; Dan 4:35. At times I felt disappointed that they were letting the Lord lose and other times I felt it might be true. I have cited them too but these verses do not exonerate God from fulfilling his promises. Yesterday when a friend asked me: “Does God owe us anything” I felt the answer would be No and Yes.
In terms of how he rules this earth God does not seek our consent because he is omniscient (Psalm 147:4, 5; Acts 15:18; Psalm 33:13; II Kings 13:19; Jeremiah 38:17-20Romans 4:17; Isaiah 46:10; Matthew 11:21-23; I Samuel 23:5-14), omnipotent (Matthew 19:26; Genesis 17:1; Job 42:2; Jeremiah 32:17, 27; Luke 1:37; Revelation 19:6) and omnipresent (Psalm 139:8; Jeremiah 23:23, 24; Ephesians 2:22; Psalm 113:5; Psalm 123:1; I Kings 8:27; Matthew 6:9; Hebrews 1:3; I Corinthians 1:27; Matthew 18:20; Romans 10:6, 7; Romans 8:9). In terms of a friend needing some thing and going to his friend for a loan God does not owe us anything because the earth and the fullness thereof are his (Psa 24:1; Psa 89:11;Psa 50:12). He owns everything that you need and have. Looking at it this way then God does not owe us.
However, it will be sad for anyone to say God does not owe us anything. He does! A promise is a debt. All those promises He has made in the Bible must be fulfilled. God has promised that those who believe in Him must be saved (Is 1; 18; Jn 1; 12: Rom 10:13). He has promised us protection as our inheritance (Is 54:17). He has promised that no one will snatch the believer from his hands (Jn 6:37). God has promised us temporal blessings, made promises about our life on earth, spiritual blessings and other. God does not take pleasure in fools who do not keep their promises (Num 23:19, ECCL 5:4; Lk 1:70; Mk 13:31) because He himself does not break promises. So if God does not break his promises and they say he does not sin why would he not keep his own promises? Is that not a debt he owes the beloveds? If God does not owe you he owes me something.
Just the fact that God created you when you did not ask him to create you is good enough for you to ask him to support you. In a broken marriage it would be spousal support because you have never lived in this life before. He created you. So he owes you the duty to guide you. The problem now is do people listen to Him when he tries to guide them? God created you for one purpose and one purpose only: to worship him (Eccl 12:13). Are you worshipping him?
Therefore, my brethren, live knowing that the lord your God has made you some promises. Those promises he has made to you are debts He must pay to you. Remember, he will never fail you. But suffice me narrate an anecdote.
A young man had told me that God had promised him a sister in Christ as the wife. He prayed and we joined him in prayer to no avail. The sister got married to another man and the boy to another girl. So what went wrong?
There is a difference between presumption and faith or hearing voices and hearing from God. Sometimes you may hear your own voice and mistake it for God’s and then wait for the fulfillment. It will tarry and will not come to pass. God does not pick and choose who you marry. He guides you and shows you who could suit you.. God may show you this is a good person for you to marry but he does not say you must marry only this person. If that happens and the marriage goes kaput then God has made you a bad choice and you know that God does not make mistakes. If God tells you that this is the person you must marry and that person dies then the will and blessing of God for you have died. Knowing that the blessings of the Lord they make rich and they are never associated with any evil (Prov 10:22) then I have reservation that was God’s will.
Man, is a rational being; able to make foolish and wise choices in the process. Sometimes humanity considers its alternatives before making it choices but other times it does not. Yet he has given you a brain for thinking. That is why no one should be mad when people disagree with what he or she says because no one can know everything. All of us do see as through a dark glass and know only in part. Yet, in all of this know that, though we did not give God anything to keep He still owes us the promises He made.

Until then, don’t let God go until he fulfils His promises for you.

Prince & PA Hamilton Ayuk

Monday, January 21, 2008

Guardian Angel and Chain Letters: Faith or Unbelief




Perhaps, I will use this opportunity and just talk about certain fallacies and nescience in Christendom on blessings. I have read many chain letters and seen even those who do not believe in God forward them with such alacrity for either fear of a curse or an attempt to be counted blessed. Even if you are a Christian or not: listen to me and listen to me good. There are two principles that should guide your life; man does not hold the key to your blessings, and no mortal can reverse God’s decree on you.


That picture (one female white angel guarding a Christian) is a false presentation just like many painted Jesus as white. I have said here in one of my lessons: Was Jesus Black or White? that Jesus was mixed color because of his genealogy which had both Light Skinned and Dark Skinned.

The first thing is that the picture presents the guardian angel as a woman. There is no angel anywhere in the Bible with a female name anyway. Angels neither have a male nor a female feature (Mt 22: 30).


Secondly, the chain letters are an oriental practice from the wheel in Buddhism and Hinduism where the whole world worked as one in chains put together. A break in one of the chains brought life to a standstill. One thing Christians must know is that no one can curse the person that God has blessed (Num 23:20). That is because we are no more under the condemnation period once we are called the sons and daughters of God and start to walk in the spirit rather than the flesh (Rom 8:1). If God be for you, no one can be against you (Rom 8:31). If God sets an open door before you, no man can shut it if you will just keep his word and not deny His name (Rev 3:8).


Thirdly, the idea of a guarding angel is taken out of context (Ps 91:11). The Christian must believe that God is omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscient. If God is omnipotent, he does not need to rely on angels to protect you because his eyes are running to and fro seeking those whose hearts are towards Him so that He can help them (2 Chr 16:9a). More so, we must realize that angels are ministering spirits (Heb 1:14). In the course of ministering to and for you, they also fight your battles like the case of Daniel (Dan 10:13).


Perhaps everyone should know that: “the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all” (Eccl 9:11). And that: “promotion cometh neither from the east, nor from the west, nor from the south. But God is the judge: he putteth down one, and setteth up another” (Ps 75:6-7). That means, if you do all you suppose to do and make yourself blessing ready: wait on the Lord. Listen to me: I said wait on the Lord. Are you waiting? If you are waiting on the Lord, you do not complain and do not feel bad when your whole surrounding seems to make fun of your coming to earth. I mean even when it seems like you have come on earth to leave others. “For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry. Behold, his soul which is lifted up is not upright in him: but the just shall live by his faith” (Hab 2:3-4). Our fretting comes from our desire to make God keep our pace of 1000 miles per hour in life so that we can keep up with the Joneses and the Elizabeths.


Therefore, it is unbelief for any Christian to feel guilty if they did not forward a chain letter or worst still to be scared they will be cursed. Each time I see a forwarded mail, I look at it if it contains a blessing or a curse. Once it says you must send it to five people, or it states I must send it to the next person, I just delete it. That is a time waster.



Until then, never forward a chain letter to anyone.

Prince & PA Hamilton Ayuk

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Should the African Nations Cup be moved?







The international cry is that the African Nations Cup should be moved from January to the summer. That is because the timing robs the European clubs from their African players who are some of the most prolific goal scorers and defenders in their European leagues. Even stars like Drogba, Essein and Eto’o have voiced to the international unison in support for a change of date. The recent high profile voice is that of the president of FIFA: Sepp Blatter.
Football again has shown that the world does not care about Africa; all they care about is the money that comes to them. In other words, they look at the money that their workhorses bring to them and it bothers them that they are taken away for two weeks. Moving the competition in summer will destroy the taste of football because it will be during serious torrential rains in Africa. It will be in the heart of the Raining Season especially in countries with tropical moist climates where there are heavy rains all through the summer. There are very few countries with closed pitches and stadiums. It is true that Latin America has almost the same climate like Africa but they have benefited from huge sponsorship from European clubs that some of them have very good stadiums.
Some teams have even coaxed their African players from colluding with their medical staffs to fake injuries. That is where patriotism plays second fiddle to money. Somehow no one should blame them when we know how corrupt most African governments are. If a player was hurt while playing for his or her country many at times he or she is abandoned to themselves to fend it out. A player who sustains an injury or is killed during a game playing for his or her country is no different from a soldier who dies at the war front defending his or her country because both are paying their allegiance to their countries.
Therefore, to make a win-win situation, FIFA should sponsor about five countries in other to build for them roofed stadiums so that in the heart of the raining season the pitches will still be usable. That way FIFA and CAF will now direct all the money they give to nations for World Cup preparations to be used towards the reconstruction of their stadiums. Sponsoring about five countries will enable Africa get ready in Ten years time for every country to build at least four roofed stadiums. Notwithstanding, most African countries are very rich enough to build more than ten roofed stadiums but they lack maintenance and good management. Let this call by FIFA and African players be a motivating factor for African countries to build top class stadiums like their counterparts worldwide if they want to be taken seriously.

Until then, let indolent CAF and African Federations rise up.

Prince & PA Hamilton Ayuk

Friday, January 18, 2008

Modern Church Healers


While in YaoundĂ© I had said that Pere Hebga, Mama Marla, late Papa Fosso are all sorcerers and not preachers. For Mama Marla, I went there myself to verify her authenticity because my whole family had not believed by then and were going there thinking she was a woman of God. So I followed my younger sister and when we came back, I said she is from the devil. My sister, her friend who introduced her there and my own friend were very angry. Marla used to give people holy water to take to their houses so they can use against evil spirits. Her threat was that, if you don’t want to use her water don’t throw it, bring it back because if you throw it, you will die. That same day to prove the challenge, I called my sister and friend who stood outside as I poured out the water into the toilet. I had serious fever and was sick for the next three days but I did not go to the hospital because I knew they were demonic attacks. You and I know I am still alive. My mother and sisters were telling me to go back to Marla so she would pray for me. I will smile and say “don’t worry, Marla will be no more”. That prophecy did not take long to come true. She is on the run.

The doctrine of using holy water, crucifixes and other magical wands for healing is pure witchcraft and nothing more. The Bible says “lay your hands on the sick and they shall recover” (Mark 16:18). Holy water is mentioned just once in the Bible. Its usage was a test to uncover infidelity and not for healings or protection as we do today (Num 5:17). People like Moses used the tree stump (Ex 15:25), Elisha used salt to healed the waters (2 Kings 2:21), Jesus used mud to heal the blind man (Jn 9:6-7), Paul’s handkerchief was used on the sick (Acts 19:12) and Peter’s shadow healed the sick too (Acts 5:15). Yet these were not habitual occurrences and standardized methods of healing. They were spontaneous and in most cases were not practiced a second time.

Anyone, using something extra to heal may be imparting demons on you as you have heard and read in many occasions. I mean, even those who use crucifixes in Evangelical and Pentecostal churches. Nowadays most of those people use crucifixes, rings (one large ring like that of a decorated footballer), anointed cloths, or gold swords sold on TV by evangelists. Some of them are just plain fake and have no power in them. They are as good as the ones you make yourself. Theirs is just scamming in the name of God. Be careful when people tell you to stand on a temple or come meet them in a particular place. That is initiation into a cult. You do not need to stand on a special altar for someone to pray for you or for God to heal you. That time when we had to go to the Temple for healings has past. That is why Jesus died so that our bodies can serve as the temple of the Holy Spirit (I Cor 6:19-20) where we can offer sacrifices (Rom 12:1) anywhere anytime.

Our protection is from God. We are in Jesus and Him in God. No one can harm us if God does not permit. If God be for us who can be against us (Rom 8:31)? Remember, Jesus in us is greater than the devil or forces of darkness out there. More so, let us not fear them that can destroy only the body. Let us fear Him that can destroy the body and the soul (Mt 10:28). Let the fear of God consume your soul until the fear of man becomes a distant past. Let God be your healer and protector. By believing in him, making a simple prayer everyday (recommending your life and health into his hands) and living for him are enough for him to be with you even when you walk through the valley of the shadow of death. He that protects you neither sleeps nor slumbers. Your help and protection come from above, from the Father of lights with whom, there is neither variableness nor shadow of turning (James 1:17). Keep trusting Jesus and don’t fall into deception. He will never fail you. He is the best healer and protector the human being can ever afford “without price and without money”.

Until then; believe and trust in the word of the Lord.

Prince & PA Hamilton Ayuk

Hope in Hopelessness




Brethren,
Only death brings the end of hope. As long as we are alive let us have hope that God does not fail. He may not walk with the pace of a man, but He is never in a hurry and never late. Keep trusting Jesus; he will never fail you. Life always serves us with a plate we did not order. However, let us not worry; we should only know the Cook is our very own Father: Jesus whose meal will bless our hearts.
Fear sometimes cripples us but let faith moves us to higher bounds. Look around you, that is not how you began. You are not what you want to be, but thank God, you are not what you used to be. To every tunnel, there is an end. Our dark days may be long and dreary but stay focus, your ray of light just proves you are winning. Youwill make it.
There are many in heaven looking down and hoping you make it too. Would you fail them? You owe them the responsibility of making it and seeing Father Abraham, Moses, Joshua, Gideon, Deborah, Esther, Daniel, John the Baptist, Paul, Apollos and finally Jesus.
My Brethren, the days keep getting darker and darker and evil seems enveloping us all. You may be cast down but don’t be downcast. Tell them though I am knocked down I am not knocked out. I am still in the ring for it is not who wins but who can put up a fight till the Master comes. Care not how fast the other is running. When you stumble, lift yourself up and keep running; knowing that it is not a race to find the first but one of finishers.
I have made up my mind to leave misery and the world behind me. I take up my full armor to face the tides of life that try to beat me round. At times I crawl with tears in my eyes, other times I run with joy in my heart. I may not be walking and I am not running but know that, in so far as I am not standing I am on the move. Every early morning, I made some phone calls to my friends and Jesus always picks his. More so, He does not complain what time is this. He tells me all the time, coheir, I am on my way, just a little bit of patience.
That at once illumines and brightens my day because while on earth, the sister of IRS loved him as he even paid his taxes from the mouth of a fish. His legs were his car and now that gas prices are hiking, he will be treading on familiar territory. Everywhere he visited, he was doing good. Some people did not need to buy medication for he used just mud to heal their blindness. He prepared a meal in the presence of foes and friends alike and their baskets were overfull in a football field. I mean just with two loaves and five fish he will feed more than ten thousand.
Look at you with teary heart or even face. Why are you silently crying when you can make that early phone call? You think your situation is hopeless and life is not fair. Indeed life is hopeless and unfair without a chemistry with Jesus. Seest thou not that thy Lord lovest thee that much my brethren? Why lookest thou unto thyself when thy Hope beckoneth? Your Master, though gone is always around you. You know, He loves you very much. If the devil tries to push you over you over push him in prayers till you make the Lord your delight. When trials and temptations come over you in their myriads you be the overcomer the Lord has smoothen. Say to yourself, I came to this world, not of my choice but of His own making. I was made more than a conqueror without a vote, I shall live as a conqueror in the midst of warriors and shall die a conqueror even if all others are killed. Lord unto you I surrender my life.
Until then, only dead people lose hope.

Prince and PA Hamilton Ayuk

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Request for leave by English Language Learners.

This was sent to me too by a colleague. In the last one I gave you the meaning but this time you will have to figure that out on your own.

1. Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows: Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one-week leave.

2. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: "Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

3. A leave letter to the headmaster: "As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

4. An incident of a leave letter "I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

5. Another leave letter written to the headmaster: As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.

6. Covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..."

7. Another one: "Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

8. From H.A.L. Administration dept: As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave.

9. Actual letter written for application of leave: "My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave ".

10. Letter writing: - "I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."

11. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding: "as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave .."

12. This is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who was performing the “mundan” ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son’s head, please leave me for two days ..."

13: A candidate's application: "This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist and an accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both for the past several years and I can handle both, I am applying for the post.

Ambiguity of Language: When native Speakers Speak like Language Learners.

The ambiguity of Language
Some years back a friend sent this to me. I just thought about it and wanted you all to laugh a bit, so I have explained some of the ambiguities for English Language Learners. Language is sometimes too ambiguous that at times it tends to set ablaze the very fire it was trying to quench. Here are some of those occasions.

1). Don't let worry kill you -- let the church Help.

Ambiguity:

A. What is seems to mean:  let the church help you to die or kill you rather than worry.
B. Real meaning: Don’t let worry kill you; you should let the church help you in your condition.

2). Thursday night -- Potluck supper. Prayer and Medication to follow.
Remember in prayer the many who are Sick Of Our church and community.

A. What is seems to mean: It sounds as if after they finish the potluck supper, they will pray and then take medications. The second part also sounds as if  they are interceding for runaway members who are disappointed with their church.
B. Real meaning: Prayer and mediation (intercession) will follow the potluck supper. Pray for church members who are sick.

N.B. This one is as a result of malapropism or auto correct fault. The speaker wanted to use the word mediation, but they used medication. You should use words you know their meanings.

3). "For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs."

A. What is seems to mean:  those of you who have children but do not know you have them.

B.Real meaning: Those who have children but do not know that we have a nursery, there is one downstairs.


4). The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

A.What is seems to mean: It sounds like the rosebud was commemorating  David Alan Belzer as being conceived in sin by Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer
B. Real meaning: The rosebud is to commemorate the birth of  David Alan Belseer the son of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

N.B.This is a spelling error.

5). This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

A. What is seems to mean: It sounds as if each end has a baptistery.
B. Real meaning: It simply means that at the end of  each meeting, the children will be baptized.

6). Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

A. What is seems to mean:  It sounds as if they want the ladies to come and give milk for the ice cream.
B. Real meaning: the ladies that will help to donate the milk which they bought (and not their breast milk) should be there on time.


7). Wednesday, the Ladies' Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing, "Put me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.

A. What is seems to mean:It sounds as if Mrs. Jones will be singing to the pastor to put her in her little bed. Can you imagine what the husband thought about that announcement? Not my wife!
B. Real meaning: The Ladies Liturgy Society (name of a singing group), Mrs. Jones and the pastor will sing a song titled “Put me in my little bed”


8). Thursday at 5:00 P.M. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.

A. What is seems to mean:  This one sounds as if they are saying if you want to get pregnant come and have sex with the pastor.
B. Real meaning: Meanwhile they want to say if you are pregnant or will soon be a mother come and see the minister in his study.

9). This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.

A. What is seems to mean: it initially sounded like she will come and lay an egg like a hen to give to the church.
 B. Real meaning: They mean that they will ask Mrs. Lewis to come and place an egg on the altar.

10). The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

A. What is seems to mean: It seems like she will start to drop like water, and the rest of the congregation will follow her to imitate the raindrops.
 B. Real meaning: This means that the service will close with a song Little Drops of Water, and one of the ladies will start to sing and then the rest of the church will join her to sing the song.


11). Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.

A. What is seems to mean: Initially it sounded as if  they were going to collect an offering to buy a new carpet on which they usually have sex, and that all those who want to have sex on the carpet  are invited.
 B. Real meaning:  what they are saying is that anyone who wants to donate for the purchase of the new carpet should step forward next Sunday.

13). The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

A.What is seems to mean: Initially it sounded as if the ladies are naked in the basement and anyone was free to go and watch them. It was as if the ladies were gibing a peepshow.
B. Real meaning: What they meant was that they have removed  and taken all the clothes in the church to the basement, and anyone who wanted to check and see if their clothes were there, should come on Friday.

14). At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

A. What is seems to mean: It will sound as if people should come early and listen to their choir practice on going to hell
B. Real meaning: People should come early and listen to their choir practice how to sing the song "What is Hell."

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Cameroon Does not need a better Internet Signal

How many people in our villages have electricity, have internet and have computers? So what good is the village person receiving the greatest signal? Looking at these things, Cameroon does not need a strong internet signal. Nonetheless, I want Cameroonians to have faith in God and also have faith in the country. During the days of Jesus there was a proverb that “Can anything good come from Nazareth”. Lo and behold Jesus; the savior finally came from there. Impossible things to man are possible to God (Lk 18:27). What we have to do is to keep pointing out those frailties and though you think people do not see they see and will make the necessary adjustments.

Indeed Cameroon needs internet but I would have preferred them to tell them we want to build roads because better roads will bring development. Good roads will facilitate the transportation of cash crop produce and even help the subsistent farmers to cure their pocket migraines.

Then they have to provide security for Cameroonians abroad when they come home. Look, the police just killed someone visiting home for less than a dollar. In 2001 I was harassed when I visited home. I was even detained for more than 8 hours for nothing; just that the two white girls I was with were taking pictures of "sensitive buildings". The sensitive buildings were live goats, pigs, cocoyams, plantains at Marche Mokolo. Then they wanted 250,000CFA for bribe before they could release us. Man we "sand die" that we were not giving them anything. They later fell on me telling me: “look at you; a pastor all what you are bringing from the US is two white women you do not even feed well”. That is because the girls were skinny or slender. They were really beautiful girls like tadpoles but because these drunkards wanted money all they saw was me not feeding them well. The corrupt inspector looked at me and said: "you are selfish even to yourself. Look at the women you have you do not feed them. Give them to me and two months you will see all of them rounded like football". Did anyone tell him these girls wanted to be rounded. I don't know! He turned and asked the girls if they had eaten. Such embarrassment to visitors and citizens is only tolerated in Cameroon.
One does not know how to protect the team you take home and how they will be treated. Cameroon needs more than just an internet signal. Do you think these girls will come to Cameroon again? That is lots of money they just lost from their tourism industry. In other places, that industry boasts half of the country's revenues. They respect visitors that if you steal from a visitor it is even worst than if you stole from a minister from the country because they want to keep the image of the country clean. In Cameroon it is the contrary.

Cameroon should reduce its taxes at the seaport. Other countries decided to scrape out taxes at a given time to encourage people to ship and those things shipped were so many that there was a lot of competition and subsequent drop in prices and the standard of living of the people improved. But if they keep thinking they should discourage people from shipping things home they will not have anything. Right now the hassle at the port and the exorbitant custom fees discourage people from sending anything home. By so doing they are digging a big hole to fill a small one because they are killing small enterprises. Many of those jobless graduates who are now 419niners and prostitutes could have easily done something with their lives. Many of those jobless people who are now armed robbers would have done something because someone from abroad could easily engage them into business.
Finding jobs for the jobless in Cameroon will also increase the deluded security that we so cherish. Have you seen any armed gang now in Cameroon without a graduate in it? No, they even mastermind. While I do dot cherish the act but it is a great motivator for them to join gangs because they are bored with life and tired of living without hope.

The last and not the least is that Cameroon does not need an internet signal; it needs protection from Chinese invasion. The common man has been sacrificed to the Chinese with their temporal goods and now even the Bamileke that were great enterprisers and entrepreneurs are now going out of business. As a result secret societies are flourishing the more. When secret societies overrun a nation the people become aloof to hard work and the belief in selling their brother or sister into Famla to earn living.

Until then, one day Jesus will come from Nazareth.

Prince & PA Hamilton Ayuk.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Father Paul and Andrew.


Father Paul was an old priest who had a catechist called Andrew. He trusted Andrew so much, and Andrew respected Father too so much. He quickly assigned Andrew to most of the villages’ churches under his parish, so Andrew could conduct mass in his place. When Andrew was gone, he will linger around to cuckold him with his wife. Andrew had heard it from the villagers, but he decided not to fight back; after all, he was helping himself with the nice wine that Father used in conducting communion services. Father Paul quickly realized that the wine was finishing faster than he used it,  so he will turn the bottle upside down and draw a line to mark the level of the wine. He will turn the bottle back and sit it on its butt as  bottles are usually placed. Unfortunately, Andrew did not know the wine was being marked. Although only Andrew had access to the wine room, Father Paul decided not to confront him. He was confident that he would find the truth during absolution, and at that moment, he will rebuke the wine thief. Andrew on his part was not happy that Father was using cuckolding him. He felt that Father at least owes him an apology,. The more the apology delayed coming, he felt justified to drink the wine because that was the only way he could balance the equation.

Finally, during the end of year confession, it was Andrew’s turn in the concession box. Andrew had confessed all his sins, but he did not mention the wine. He felt it redeemed by Father sleeping his wife. Father waited until Andrew was done. “Andrew have you finished?" Fathe Paul asked in a soft but stern voice. “Yes, Father!” Andrew replied. “Andrew!” Father called. Andrew answered, “Yes Father!” “Have you finished?” Father asked again. Andrew once more replied, “Yes Father!” “Andrew, this is the third time I am asking you this; have you finished?” Father insisted. Andrew sensing something was wrong said to him, “Father, I have forgotten the rest.” Father said, “Andrew, if you have forgotten, I will remind you. Who used to steal my wine?” Andrew quickly retorted, “What?” Father repeated again, “Andrew, who used to steal my communion wine? You are wearing out my patience!” Father repeated sternly. “What???” Andrew asked as if surprised. Father again repeated himself, “Andrew, who used to steal my communion wine?” Andrew replied, “What? My father!” Father got irritated and said, “Andrew it seems as if it is difficult for you hear me. Please, come and take my seat. You ask me the same question if I will hear."
So they exchanged positions, and it was Andrew’s turn to ask Father. Then Andrew took a long deep breath and began, “Father, who used to sleep with my wife when I am not there?” Father said “What?” Andrew said, “No, Father Paul, don’t be in a hurry. Attentively listen to me. Who used to sleep with my wife when I am not there?” “What? Andrew!” Father shouted. Andrew again patiently repeated the same question as if teaching a new born how to read by counting the words for Father Paul to hear well. “Father- when –I- am –not- home- who –used- to -sleep –with- my –wife?” Father said, “What?” Then Andrew replied, “Father, didn’t I tell you that when someone is standing down there, he does not hear very well the questions that come from up here?” Father got up and told Andrew he has forgiven him for stealing his wine, and Andrew told him he has forgiven him for sleeping with the wife.

Folks, we sometimes hear well when it is others' peccadilloes. However, we know ourselves that we are not better. We know that we have skeletons ourselves that we are hiding somewhere. Let us learn how to remove the log from our eyes before thinking of taking away the specs from our neighbor’s eyes. Let us learn to assume responsibilities on our failures, so that we will no more do the same thing. Let’s stop counting the sins of others when we are doing the same things.


Until then, don’t judge people on things you are guilty.


Prince and PA Hamilton Ayuk




Mr. ODU

This guard is wielding his truncheon like that of Mr Odu but he is not Mr Odu

Mr. Odu owns a security company. He patrols round the town to control his workers. He has warned one of his workers that he was going to sack him if he kept leaving thugs to trespass through the hotel they were guarding. On that sad day, he made a trip to supervise that same hotel. Immediately, he saw two gangsters intruding. He waited but the security guard did not say a word. Then he called him and asked him why he has not stopped them. The guard explained that he has warned them several times but they don’t listen. Odu then told him to be creative. “Watch me. They will never come here again. The only language people understand here is ‘do you want to see my gun’”?

He walked to them and asked them to stop. They merely ignored him and kept going. Odu then asked them if they wanted to see his gun. The two riffraffs quickly pulled out two guns each from their pants. Odu then began begging. “Please, I was only joking. I don’t have a gun. Please, search me”. One of the muggers used his gun and hit Odu’s head. Odu screamed and begged him not to kill him. “Please, I have a wife and four kids. Please, they are just like you”. “F..k you! I am from Mexico how can your kids be like me”? “I just meant they are young as you and so they need a dad” Odu explained. The ruffians took a few steps back and Odu crawled again on his knees pleading: “please, search me. I don’t have a gun. I don’t even know how to shoot. Please, come and pass here as you like. I will not stop you again. My boys will not bother you again”. This entreaty won their sympathy. One of them said” Get up and go. Next time don’t ask people if they want to see your gun they gona shoot you dead” the thugs advised him.

Odu got up, walked slowly and sensing he had disappeared from their sight ran into the hotel. He called his security guard “Limpo, Limpo , Limpooooooooooo where have you been that you did not see these muggers making me crawl like a dog. Next time I will fire you. Has it come to this that I am crawling out there and you are relaxing in here? Limpo, is this how you are going to do the security job? Is this how you will leave a customer to be killed?” Odu queried the guard. “Sir what would I have done?” Wondered Limpo. “Shut up!” Odu yelled, gesturing as if to give him a back hand. “You have to prepare to go take gun lessons. Do you hear me? I say do you hear me?” Odu reiterated. “Yes sir!” sheepishly answered Limpo.

Limpo now called the other workers and narrated the story that “I saw two boys threatening Oga with seven guns. I did not go me there. You see, I have a wife and two kids. You would have seen them bossing Oga (boss) all over. They made him to crawl like their dog. They will say chi chi chi shwu shwu shwu and Oga will be following them like a dog on his knees” he exaggerated. Oga will not come here again anytime soon.

True, Odu did not pass there for a long time. Odu did not have a gun because he could not even pass the sighting and shooting range test. So he was just trying to frighten those two young hoodlums. But today I tell you, if you were walking with a Cameroonian’s wife and he asked you if you want to see his gun you should run. I mean run. It is no more a joke. This is real. In most cases too, people who even have guns don’t ask you if you want to see their guns. They just use it. Next time when someone starts telling you to leave them alone, learn to leave them alone. This life is too short and worth more than just hanging on futilities. The second lesson is that when something happens, people will garnish and spice it as they narrate.

Until then, mind who you frighten.


Prince and PA Hamilton Ayuk

99 days 4 the Thief, 1 day 4 the Owner


                 

In Cameroon around the 80s, the government implemented the income tax collection by erecting roadblocks. Police officers and Gendarmes stood by the roadside to check for taxes. Students, women and handicaps were exempted with a proof of their IDs. Public transportation buses carrying people were stopped and checked thoroughly. If a male without a tax paper was inside that bus, he was asked to step down. The driver would have to reimburse his money while the police or the gendarmes took him to the barracks to squeeze his buttocks with their belts peradventure he shits or vomits the money, whichever was possible. Human rights abuse, the Americans will say. Therefore, drivers resorted to not carrying tax-ripe males without tax papers.
               Man-No-Rest (named after his bus) was the most popular driver. Everybody wanted to travel in his bus because he never made accidents, and it was superstitiously credited to the white towel he always wore on his neck. The people thought he was a member of a secret society that gave him the towel. At times too, he nurtured their fallacy because when his car got stuck in mud, he came out and hit it with his towel and went back into his car, then drove out of the craterlike muddy pothole.
Ewane, a peripatetic trader walked slowly to Man-No-Rest’s bus and told them he was going to Kumba. “It’s 2500 FCFA.” The loader told him. “Then you show your tax,” he added. “I don’t have tax,” Ewane snapped. “Man-No-Rest, this is a passenger, but he has no tax,” the loader called out. “Well leave him,” Replied Man-No-Rest. “I have been traveling on this road now for a long time. It is not today that I began traveling here. Even yesterday, I went to Kumba without tax.” Ewane, angrily replied. Man-No-Rest curiously asked him how. He said he always plays deaf and dumb. “You mean, you act as if you are deaf and dumb?” Man-No-Rest inquired. “Ah ah (shaking his head and smiling), those are ears and not flags you have on, I guess,” Ewane joked. Man-No-Rest turned, looked at him again and said “how will you do that”. Ewane, quickly uttered his usual mumbo-jumbo as a real deaf and dumb would do. Man-No-Rest nictitated with our approval that Ewane will pass the police test.
We had driven from Nguti until Mabanda-Three-Corners, which was the last Police checkpoint before entering into Kumba our final connecting point. The police there were mostly from the north and most of them were illiterates. They usually did not know how to read English. They judged everything by just looking at it. At times, they will hold your Id upside down. Unfortunately, Ewane did not have anything to show. We told them “he is a deaf and dumb”. The police asked if he had any papers proving he should not pay taxes because he was deaf and dumb. He then asked Man-No-Rest to put him down and reimburse his money.
Man-No-Rest told him to drop with his luggage. Ewane jumped down and began harassing the police officer, titubating some gibberish. Unfortunately, saliva from his mouth fell on the face of the police officer who misjudged that Ewane had spat on his face. He made two steps backwards and rushed forward. He trachled Ewane’s right tibia with his police boots, not once, not twice, but he did so many times. Ewane then screamed, “is it only for this tax that you want to kill me”. “Allah akbar” (God is great), the police officer, a Muslim yelled. “Didn’t you all say he does not speak? “Allah akbar” he too exclaimed, nid-nodding. “ah bon le sourd muet a parlĂ©. Il va vomir cet argent avant de quitter d’ici ! (The deaf and dumb has spoken. He will vomit the money before leaving this place). Ewane quickly became our thingumbob that we waved goodbye to continue our journey.
My friends, the thief has 99 days, but one day would be for the owner. You know those things you have been doing that you have not been caught. Ah don’t worry; a day is coming. If you are not caught here on earth, you will in heaven because there is a Judgment Day for everyone when all of us will give account of our actions. Sometimes, Karma does not wait for you to die. What have you been doing that you will not want people to know? Those false reports you file yearly. Oh yeah! Drugs, gambling, prostitution, alcoholism, stealing, armed robbery or just what? This is the time to stop. Don’t wait for it to be too late. For your sins will find you out. Ewane had been playing deaf and dumb until that day. Yours is coming; I mean the day of reckoning. If you liked my article, you can make a donation.

Until then, abandon that evil before it embarrasses you!

St Arrey of Ntenako

When White Stars Adopt Black Kids


Madonna did nothing wrong to adopt David Banda. People have been complaining that white people are only adopting Asians kids. Now the young woman decides to break the color barrier and all hell breaks open that she has committed a mortal sin. The truth of the matter is that racists’ individuals want to use Madonna as a cavy to daunt any other white superstar who will dare give hope to Africa. In this particular scenario it will discourage even black megastars. Is this the first Adoption case? Now, like monoblepsists the Africans join the racists for the long march against Madonna. You wonder if there is any morality in that. Indeed it is.

There are many adoption cases taking place daily in Africa unnoticed. Why does this adoption make negative headlines? I guess because only negativity sells on Western media. When Angelina Jolie adopted an Ethiopian AIDS orphan last year, it was almost a similar story. But the Ethiopians were wiser enough not to give in to racist canards. How many adoptions from Asia have followed this same publicity? Is there anyone who will tell the world that the adoptions in Asia have been more normative than the one of Malawi ? Whatever may be the case; let us take a look at the Bible.

Let us start from the Old Testament. David and his men ate the shewbread that was reserved only for the priests and which had an injunction of death if eaten by a non priest (I Sam 21:1-8). Don’t forget this bread was supposed to be given only to the priests (Lev 24:5-9). There is a time when the need and life of an individual must be cherished before religious or societal sanctimony. That is the Law of Charity that surpasses legalistic manacles. Did our Lord see it different?

The Lord Jesus healed seven times in the Bible on a Sabbath Day when no man was supposed to do any work (Mt 12:1-13; Lk 4:31-44; Lk 6:1-10; Lk 13:10-16; Lk 14:1-14; Jn 5:1-21 and Jn 9). If it was bad then Jesus was a sinner. But the Bible says he was without sin (Luke 23:39-41; Luke 23:47; 2 Cor. 5:21; Heb 4:15; Heb. 4:15; 1 Pet 2:21-22; 1Jn 3:5; Heb 7:26-28). If it is bad upholding this theory then Jesus was a sinner for breaking the law. But since he was no sinner then the Bible and Jesus are on our side. Well not everybody believes in the Bible. So let us look at logic.

Even if the adoption laws were broken; which is bad: to allow the child to die in his condition or to save him by plucking him out of the Malawian cauldron. People will tell you the law is no respecter of persons. True it is not. However, there are times when benevolence supersedes human law. For example; if you found an individual gunning down innocent children and you could take him out from the back. Which would be logical: to practice thou shall not kill or to kill and save the rest of the endangered lives? God would not charge you for murder because benevolence is greater than bureaucratic red tapes.

Others contend that Banda would lose himself and become a social misfit. Most of the social misfits nowadays were not adopted. More so, with Madonna leaving the child’s name: Banda, she leaves the child’s identity intact to trace his roots. Here are the social misfits: those Africans who can only speak a foreign language and cannot speak their local languages. They are the social misfits. Here are the social misfits: those foreigners in the US taking accent reduction classes. They want to be what they are not. Perhaps they were adopted you think?

Still others have argued that it would have been nice for these stars to send the money so that the children could be raised up in their environment. Firstly, it would be a bad business decision to hand groundnuts to rats for storage or retirement funds for Enron executives to bank. Secondly, most heroes and heroines had to leave their homes at a given time before coming back to bring them salvation from Moses to Gandhi and Lumumba to Mandela.

Some people say that most of these stars are using the kids for their publicity stunt and would abuse the kids. More priests have been accused, charged and convicted of child abuse than the stars. So why do we still allow children to go closer to the priests and churches? Many pastors have abused the congregations by preaching a Retiary Gospel to pilfer from their per-diems and yet no one seems to see the immorality in it. Many teachers have molested their students more than these stars. So why do we still allow our kids to go to school? Please, give these women a break!

Banda, Madonna is your manna from heaven. She is the well God made for you to drink without digging. Take it and be gracious to God almighty for giving some people the heart to cater for others like you. Madonna should be praised for giving this child a home and a hope. These women like Madonna, Stone, Jolie who decided to share their wealth with our hopeless children are our heroines. By adopting from the third world these stars draw attention to the predicament of the people. The US should relax its adoption laws if it wants her stars to adopt from here.

Until then, Jesus would have gladly adopted Banda to Madonna!

Prince & PA Hamilton Ayuk

God, My Marriage Is slipping Away.


When someone is in difficulties, the usual tendency is to develop an impenetrable defense. They see you as an invader of privacy on everything you are saying. The first thing is trying to penetrate their fortress of suspicion. Show them you care and then let them play with it. Every word they utter should be used to further the conversation. Most couples are looking forward to a joyful year because the previous one was a cup of gall that was brewed and forced on the table for them to drink daily. They did but complained to relatives, friends, strangers, pretenders and others to no meaningful avail. One of those ingredients that gives a very bad marriage especially among Africans is relatives or call them in-laws. I have written on in-laws drama (In-laws Drama ), but this time I am taking one aspect of that drama to show you how to confront and conquer it. It is about time to be hoping rather than experiencing bliss in an institution. God promised felicity. Before you plan to get married, make sure you have drawn a boundary between your family and your right as a head of a family no matter what number you are among your siblings.

In life, try to trust someone whom you know truly cares and can help. Sometimes the friends you have may not provide any solution so try to look outside. For those who are married, the most tricky or grievous mistake they do is bringing in their relatives to live with them and then give them power in their marriage. In troubled marriages, the people try to live by presumptuousness that they call faith. Faith goes with works while presumptuousness goes with existentialism. Faith will move us to work and do something to make it work while presumption will encourage us to abandon or only nurse feelings or abandonment.
If you don’t have children, you shoug not fret. You did not get married for children. You got married because it is not good that a man should live alone, especially if you all knew your situations before going in. If you knew all the dynamics, then be the captain of your boat and stir your marriage to happiness in the absence of children thereof.

Do not allow your family or relatives to speak to your spouse any how. Do not sit with them to talk about your spouse when he or she is not there. The things you say will be used against him to play with your conscience in a tacit and subtle manner. Many have done these mistakes of taking their private things from their homes to the general family not knowing it is a drink that will produce bitter tastes in a long run. Your family does not need to like or love your spouse for them to respect him or her. You made the choice, and it is you who cares. By respecting your spouse, they are respecting you, so you make them understand that disobeying or hating your spouse is hating you because they should not put assunder what God has joined together.

Sometimes they may bring excuses like they don’t understand her language or we do not like the way he dresses. You shoud not forget that you made the choice and knew all of that. If a relative comes that they do not like the way your wife dresses, you tell them you like it. First, she should dress to her taste, yours before theirs, considering all societal decorum.

When a relative comes to live with you, sit them down and tell them not to cross the boundary, and that boundary is not being rude to your spouse. I have seen this happen that at times a sister in-law comes in and thinks that she would commandeer the house while the wife of the brother sits aloof on the couch watching the TV. Two rams cannot drink from the same pale without locking horns.

When your in-laws come to your house try to sit them down. Make them feel loved, accepted and valued. Make them feel you are approachable that they can talk to you as their new member of their family. If they complain you don’t speak their language ask them to teach you. Show them you want to be an integral part of their family, and it shall be well. You will save yourself from in-law drama.

Indeed we do not have the same sanguine temperament. Just try sometimes to reach them with little jokes and transferring responsibilities so that they feel like they are playing a role too in the family. When things are not going well, call everyone living in the home and speak to them. Do not try to brush things under the rug. Dirt underneath the rug only makes the house to stink. It is always dangerous and risky to bring your beautiful sisters and female friends to live with you for along time. If toying with a little child before a lion is dangerous then it is also dangerous and risky to have your handsome brothers and male aficionados to come and patch up with you for along time. The spirit may not want it but the flesh is weak. Those are things one has to carter for no matter how close they are to certain people. Some people may tell you that is bad though but seeing that these same situations have converted from mouth to mouth respiration to pregnancy it is necessary to be forewarned.

When you have problems the first thing is not to think of divorce or talk to friends. Sometimes some single friends and relatives suffer from schadenfreude that they will want to see you suffer or stay single like them. So be careful from who you take advice. If you are a Christian and you have problems, take your entire family to prayers,. Let them all pray and study the bible. Speak out your grievances in your lauds and vespers and pray over them. Let no one leave when they are angry. They should be able to make up. If you are the head of the household, initiate reconciliations and temper down those who are raising up their voices. Raising up voices is a recipe for introversion because some would not want to voice out their grievance for fear thunder and lightning strike them.

Don’t try to be a good person outside than you are at home. Make it a devoir to crave a polished image at home than outside because the recommendation of those inside is worth more than what strangers say. You need people who can sit on your sickbed and say you were nice person and should have company even if you are a leper now. Taking for granted we have to be nice to all people but be nicer more at home than outside. Some people act as angels while their spouse goes through the cousin of the devil. What good is it for you to have company outside but return home to be lonely; I mean like an obanje by the banks of a river.
The secret of a successful home and marriage is in your hands. You can either take it or leave. You may rejected it and go for more popular and zeitgeist approach but then you will soon be a statistics counted in the court as divorcee. Yes, probably ready to walk through two, three and four marriages or even copy the example of Elisabeth Taylor who is now intending to marry husband number 9. Perhaps you will tell me she is very happy. Good for her. If that is happiness I wish you double. But I can tell you Dame Taylor is still seeking for the happiness that has eluded her as a young woman till today. If not then take the simple steps and may your life joyful.

Until then, I wish you a wonderful marriage.

Prince & PA Hamilton Ayuk.

Southern Cameroons Should Keep Their Schools Closed For Their Own Good.

I hear talks of schools reopening because children can no more stay home. Is it that all those who were arrested have been released, or is...