Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Please Trust Me.

Almost daily I hear questions like: “can I trust you”? I start to understand why my students always say they don't trust anybody. I have had to literally beg them and sing a lullaby like the one I sing in the shower to myself just to get them laugh and then ask them to tell me their problem. Sometimes it is a problem I could solve with a phone call. Others I could just send an email and others it is just “please go and see your counselor and what she says come back and tell me. Know that you are not bothering me”. They will say “nobody cares”. Why do you think nobody cares?
A child ran away from home and then called me to tell me her whereabouts. “If anything happens to me come here". People are not doing enough these days to win the trust of others because a misunderstanding left to linger around will destroy trust.
Ayiekejui lost his American girlfriend with whom they were planning to get married because of misunderstanding. His friend was visiting him from Africa and he wanted to introduce the girl to him. She was not home and he felt he could speak on her voice mail so that she will know how his friends cherish her. In their conversation another friend on the other line said Ayekejui’s visit home will be wild. When the girl came she mistook the wild there and thought the young man was a homosexual. Before he came back home she had left a long ranting message on his home phone calling him all sorts of names. Then she wrote an email like a book with all the insults she could find on earth for a man who broke her heart. I mean for the man she thought she knew so well but who has disappointed her.
Ayekejui was in a shock because he thought the girl knew him already. The word wild in Africa is differently used in America. In Africa it means happy party but in the US it means crazy sexual party. He did not want to hurt her feelings so he did not reply. She thought he was convicted because he has been caught red handed that is why he was out of words. Again another misunderstanding followed a long letter of insults. When he replied he told her what it meant and told her he wish her well. That is what misunderstanding could do to a healthy relationship which lacks trust.
A young student sad by my side and sobbed uncontrollably almost through the class. I tried to ignore it thinking it would correct itself but to no avail. I then turned left and peered at her to signal I have heard and seen her. Someone said something to her and she told me she will tell me. After class she called me and asked me if she could trust me. I said: put your hands in my hands and know that what you tell me today will be in me. Then she emptied her heart to me. People are looking for trustworthy individuals.
In one other occasion I had asked a student why she was crying and the answer was: no one cares". I said I care and then she went: "I don’t trust you.Can I trust any man?" It is really difficult nowadays to trust anyone. So can anyone trust you indeed?
A colleague had told another one she knows me so well and that I have been married seven times. I just realized she was avoiding me. My longevity in this place has enabled me with skills to interpret some patterns. So I went to her and asked what had happened. She said she does not deal with liars. “You have been divorced seven times and were telling me stories”. "Who said it" I retorted? She gave me a name. I went to the damsel to inquire if she knew me and she told me she did not say anything. I asked her to go back and talk to the lady. She went there and rather asserted her claim this time claiming she was just being polite to me and that I have truly been married seven times. So I said perhaps you are dealing with the wrong person. If I was married even once and was telling you stories then there are people that will be glad to tear me apart if they saw any opportunity. Why don’t you come and ask them?
Folks it is difficult to trust people nowadays because truth has become more absurd than fiction consequently a clean conscience has become a scarce and seared commodity. The world is looking for trustworthy people, Are you one of them?

Until then, Lord let me be trustworthy!

Prince & PA Hamilton Ayuk

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