Wednesday, December 5, 2007

"...I am not happy with my loneliness."

 “I did pray to God whether I should pursue the gift of celibacy when I did not find anyone special. In my opinion, I do not have such gift. I am not happy with my loneliness”. I picked the above prayer topic yesterday from one of my pastors’ groups.

When you hear people say, " I am lonely and happy; they are pretending. You either believe that God is right, or you believe those hypocrites. The Bible says that, "it is not good for a man to be a lone (Gen 2:18)." If you hear a woman saying that, she is single and happy, you should know that she wants a man so badly, but she is masking it with pride. Loneliness is not a good thing. Solomon said, "For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up (Eccl 4:10)." Whose report will you believe; God's or man's? 
 People should be realistic. God is not going to bring a partner to you from heaven. If you need a partner, find him or her (Prov 18:22). The word /find/ from its Hebrew etymology entails great and serious search. How can you search for a partner when you don't even greet people who cross your part? Some of you search the wrong way. You see someone you may like, but they have a different color from you, so you say no. You see someone you may like, but they speak differently from you, so you say no. You see someone you may like, but they are in between jobs, so you say no. You see someone you may like, but they are not rich, so you say no. You see someone you may like, but they are older or younger than you, so you say no. Life is like a mysterious highway; at times we bypass those who would have made us happy on the other side of the road, either because of our myopia or hyperopia. 
You complain of people not talking to you, but you neither greet anyone nor accept greetings. You never go out for lunch with people who are not your types. You forgot that you could find people through them, even if you do not like them. A girl rejects you once and you get depressed. If rejection killed anyone, I would have been dead and resurrected several times. Someone's scrap could be your coffee table. Get over the loneliness drama and make yourself friendly because loneliness is like a problem. When you have a problem, you map out a solution plan.
Jesus said " Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets (Mt 7:12)." Solomon had earlier suggested this principle when he said, "A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother (Prov 18:24)." That is so because those with materials things are the ones who draw "friends" naturally without searching (Prov 14:20; Prov 19:4-6).
In practical terms, for those who are in the dating market, faith without works is dead faith. If you believe God will bring you a husband, then you must search for the husband. If a farmer does not plant seed, he can wait till kingdom come, he will not harvest anything. That is dead faith. Those who go to church do not even greet those they are not used to. I mean, don't you see this even in church? Sometimes they greet those they know and end in front of you because they do not know you. I could know someone who will like them. Have they thought about that? They see people in church, but they do not initiate a conversation with a mere greeting then expect a relationship? Those that make me laugh are the teachers. Go to dating sides, you have a plethora of them. These same women would not even accept a greeting at work. If you asked them out, they will make a deal. Here on the internet, you can say anything to them, even the most debased things, yet they are comfortable with them. 
Time and chance depends on all, you say (Eccl 9:11). I know that too. Here is God's chance he has given you to meet the person. How many meetings did it take for Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachel, Boaz and Ruth to meet? We are conscious man proposes but God disposes (Prov 16:9). But what have you proposed to the Lord for him to dispose, anyway? Yet you think God will draw them to you like a magnet and say "dear, behold Mr. /Ms Right sent by God to marry you! This is your soulmate!" Oh, what an all winter night dream. Farcically, some have divorced twice, and they are still looking for Mr. Right. Don't you think that you are the one turning all the Mr. Right (if they existed) to Mr. Wrongs? Listen to me; loneliness will even kill you in this mindset if you do not change. It will plunge you into the abuse of substances, if you are not already there. The end result is that you will start to look for coping mechanisms like sex, alcohol, drugs and others to tampon your loneliness.
There are times when you did not know someone, and the very first day you meet, a relationship leading to marriage is born. It is love at first sight! That too is what we call a miracle, and miracles are not every day. God has established the normal route to relationship from greetings to acquaintance to friendship and to marriage. If we are waiting for marriage to just appear from the moon, it would be like trying to be a president without contesting for elections. It may happen, but you will have to use the unorthodox route. That would be burning the natural steps of democracy. You are merely burning the natural steps of a relationship.
I don't understand why many people don't even strike friendships with their coworkers. He or she could find someone behind them. Sometimes you are trying to help someone, but she thinks you are looking for her. You may actually not be interested in her. Perhaps you need just some information. However, by being friendly to you, she could find a boyfriend or husband from your pool of friends or relatives.
Therefore, all these prayers of God I am lonely come because we have done nothing. No one living on this earth should be lonely when there are still human beings on earth. It is dysfunctional for human beings to prime their relationships with animals and toys over other human beings. Go out there and talk to people. Make yourself friendly and develop a relationship. Wake up from that reverie of Mr. or Ms Right from heaven that God will send to you from the internet. The Rights do not exist because you are not one of them.
Until then, may God help your loneliness.

Prince and PA Hamilton Ayuk

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