Sunday, October 28, 2007

Is it A Good Thing to Adapt in Relationships?

Relationships fail because we refuse to adapt to our partners. Long distance or no long distance, it is impossible to know a person if you don't interact. Even knowing, I believe that the human being is too complex to be understood. What we see is the tip of the iceberg. Therefore, learn to adapt to them for whether knowledge or nescience of the individual you will not fully understand them. Certain days they would act foolish that it will surprise you.
Relationships break because when the other person acts crazy, we reply with craziness to balance the equation, less we become the floor mart. No wonder why we are hopping from one relationship to another. I look at people breaking relationships as people with real character problems that they need to address first before looking for a new one. Don’t blame the Ex. Go back, look at that mirror again and say,  "I am the problem. This time I must adapt better." That is the first step of keeping a relationship.
It’s the same as roommates. No roommate will be like you; no matter how you both interact. However, when we learn to adapt to their ways, life becomes very easy.
I lived with a roommate one time. Out of the 20 people I have ever lodged, he was the one I always said he will have problems wherever he goes to live. First, he could never do anything; even to take to the sink his own plate he ate food cooked by other people. Finally, his one year to move out came, and he left. Unsurprisingly, after he moved out, he changed three places within a year.
You may be walking with a friend who is too loud. Instead of quarrelling them, buy an earpiece. Perhaps you have a husband who snores. The quicker you adapt the better you save yourself some sleep. Shaking him all night long does not solve the problem. It will aggravate both you and him. You smile don’t you? You have to adapt. The fool wants every other person around them to adapt but the wise person adapts to their surrounding and live happily.
I was sharing a classroom with a female teacher. So we used the same board. When she left, one of my students came to class and erased her stuff. The next morning she came to my class and began yelling at me thinking I erased her work. After berating me without a reply, one of my male students used the F word on her and a female student said “Mr. Ayuk don’t let her speak to you like that”. I said “she is the queen. I am falling in love with her yelling”. She came into my ears and said, “mother f…… dumb ass”. I was laughing but did not tell the students what she just said. First, though we had four cabinets, but I gave her three. I left her with the board and used a projector because it seemed she liked to own property. She reminded me of a neighbor with phonebooks though she did not have phone services. During Teacher’s Day, my colleague told me “you are my model. I hope I am like you. I thought I had lost my job that day, but you saved me. Mr. Ayuk, thank you.” She added. Folks we have to adapt to people.
I am always grinding my teeth each time I hear people saying they have had 3, 4 or 7 boyfriends or girlfriends. We should not think the Exes are the problem. We are the problem. We should take a character mirror and look at ourselves very well; real well. On that mirror, lies the troublemaker. When one is on her second divorce and is still accusing her Exes, it makes me laugh real hard because one person must be a floor mart in certain things for a relations to prosper.

Even if we live five miles from the next person or far, we will live well if we adjust and adapt to them. People tell you, “you cannot be a floor mart”. If two rams drink from the same bucket, they will lock horns. There can only be one captain in a ship. I am not saying there should not be consensus. Yet in certain matters, let one person have an upper hand. Pray for those who despitefully use you! Believe it or not, hate it or love it, that is the truth of the matter. You must adapt to the weaknesses of your surrounding to enjoy life!
When we quote Jesus resisting evil, I hope we are aware He did not involve himself in any fights. Not even when he was slapped before the high priest or when they earlier came to arrest him. We are responsible before God for our children, but fighting with your spouse up to breaking the home is no responsibility because the children will be torn between two masters. The western woman and nowadays the modern woman has won the feminist battle but has lost and are losing that of keeping a home. The church is fast copying their footsteps. four out of ten Christian marriages now end up in court because you must fight back to defend your children. I lack the time but if I brought out most of the reasons for divorce or breaking of relationships, you will agree with me that they are mere selfish tendencies, overshadowing believers.
Let me tell you one thing I have noticed. Each time I wrote and cautioned people against overeating, those who got very angry were struggling with weight. That is because some people have feasted on flattery that they have become allergic to truth. Dog owners are always skeptical of any new law concerning dogs. I am not saying that is your case. If I was the one, I will try to see why I failed so I don’t fail again the second time. He that spends time blaming will end up blaming time.

When Jesus told the people about their sins he did not try to fight them, ask his disciples to revolt from paying taxes or picking up arms. He merely told them the truth and allowed the truth to walk through their consciences. Today we say if you are putting your socks here and I don’t like it its divorce. I have been the only one driving to come visit you so I am no more coming. You pick up the phone and harass coworkers of your spouse because you think he or she is cheating. That is fighting back which has nothing to do with defending your children. It is as egoistic and destructive as it appears. To the maximum it is called schadenfreude. When you hear people tell you they are leaving a website because someone wrote something they don’t like you can understand that they believe the world starts and ends with them; either their way or no way at all. In a relationship, that will be catastrophic my friends.

When Jesus says we are in war, he did not say we are to become physically violent. He meant that we are to fight evil by living well. What would I learn from a divorcee about marriage? If he/she knew better, she would have kept her own home. Would you send your kids to a racist to learn love? Would you send your daughter to a child molester to learn how to take care of kids? Would you take history lessons from Hitler to protect Jews? If we keep breaking our homes, we are fighting against our very selves and the Jesus we are honoring. At that point, we are not even worthy to pretend we are defending His doctrines. I believe if Jesus was married, He would have kept his home no matter what.

A child asked her grand dad why she lets grandma impose that she would have to stay home. The grand dad said, "My daughter, if I was fighting back, we would not have been together that long. Most at times I let her have her way." Then she quickly jumped up,  "please, I let you have your way. I am instead the door mart." One thing I learnt was that each of them let the other have their way time and again. That is why they are together for 50 years and are just 65. Meanwhile, the know- too-much and strongest of all women have their ways but are hopping from one man to another and from one woman to another. Yes they move from one relationship to another, but they keep blaming others.

For those who desire keeping their marriages and relationships, please, learn to adapt to your partners. It pays better with a longer, happier and permanent relationship.

Until then, learn to adapt or you must learn to be lonely.

Prince & PA Hamilton Ayuk

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