Friday, October 19, 2007

How can American families correct decades of dysfunctional parenting?

How can American families correct decades of dysfunctional parenting?
The hand writing on the walls of America is clear; the parents have been indicted, found guilty and are paying for their crime. They live in fear everyday of their lives not knowing what may happen to their child at school. Such is the uncertainty that comes with dysfunctional parenting. Everybody knows something is wrong and each individual hopes for a better future, but no one does the practical part. Today I will attempt a couple of suggestions that could restore holism.

The first thing is that the Americans must restore their families. Fifty percent of American marriages end in divorce. Failed marriages lead the children into instability. In most cases from upgrade to downgrade, and in most cases, though the parents may recover, most children never do. That affects their input in life and transforms them psychologically. Every divorcee has their reasons and each too knows that it is not a wonderful meal no matter who wins. Most of the angry kids are either from single homes or failed marital homes. Failed marriages are those in which they fight all the time; the father has deserted his responsibility. When marriages succeed, its byproducts are happy people. If  they have kids, they are responsible and models to the community. The kids at times are forced by the courts to live with the parent they do not like. That is good enough to render them dysfunctional. Therefore, Americans must curb their appetite for divorce.

Another thing is to bring back the granddad or grandma home. Many people can remember a lot from their grandparents. I learnt most of my proverbs during my preadolescent days when my grandfather took me into every village meeting he attended. Before I could move to the city, his presence had inculcated leadership skills, and a high awareness of responsibility. Today people are afraid to keep grandma at home when she gets old because they do not want to clean her feces, but they can clean that of a dog and a cat. By grandma being at home, the kids learn lessons she failed to learn while she was young. She has now become wise and does transmit that wisdom to the grandkids. Americans were not born with nursing homes. If so before the nursing homes where did we keep our parents? Is that what you will pay a parent who took care of you: I mean putting them in quarantine like a virus? Please, let your grandparents die with you. Please, stop putting your parents into nursing homes. Are they viruses? I guess they are if not why are they in quarantine? Don’t you think the kids want to be playing with them? Don’t you think the grandkids could also take care of them?

The third thing they will do is to refrain from the rat race. I have been to Europe, and I have been to Latin America, but I do not see the people worried about life like Americans do. The delusion that The American dream consists of a big home, a big car and a big bank account has made people to jump into a competition that has sold them into an economic and psychological slavery. They have to work longer hours, two jobs or three to feed their insatiable vaulting ambitions overlapping themselves into societal ditches. No slave takes care of the children. As such many children are abandoned to raise themselves. Without a doubt, if you don’t teach your child etiquettes, the society will teach him or her. Consequently, in the absence of parental guardianship kids are left to gullibly drink immorality from the Media as news, hedonism from Hollywood as stardom and, futility from sports stadiums as entertainment. They are left with role models who should model in societal rules and with friends who lack loyalty. If America will regain back its kids, the schools will be saved, the kids will be home, families will be strengthen and the American dream will be a reality.

That means it is time for America to create positive role models. True role models should be the teachers, doctors, social workers, carpenters, bricklayers, business people and not rap, rock, sports, movies or American idol stars. Most children suffer from the copycat syndrome that has blurred their worldview; instead of seeing reality, they see idealism. Most kids who kill in school want to emulate someone who was hoisted up on the media pole as a role model. Reality has become more absurd than idealism that a sound mind has become a dried pond.

When minds become dried up within, the laws without dry peace from the society and make it a tinkling cymbal. Don’t you see that the laws today make the parents real strangers into the lives of their kids? Discipline is a form of love. That is why no two women are pleased the same way. For some kids corporal punishment may work while for others it may fail. Just because non corporal punishment did not work for you does not mean corporal punishment is bad. The difference anyway is clear: the days and times where corporal punishment was being used and the days when it is absent. In the later, the kids and society were more peaceful than the kids and society nowadays. Research has shown that corporal punishment has changed more lives than it has destroyed.

Therefore, the power to change the destructive terminus of American students and schools is in the hands of the parents. They must build happy and functional homes. They must keep the grandparents with them, withdraw from the rat race, introduce their kids to positive role models and then recapture the minds. As it was in the beginning so shall it be in the end.

Until then, God bless America.

Prince & PA Hamilton Ayuk

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