My American friend after reading my article “should Christians play the Diversity Visa Lottery” wanted me to articulate on the African man. The African man has been a subject of speculation and inferences from foreign women and at times even to African women. Almost all say he is prideful yet so needy but all do accept that he is generous and caring. Nonetheless, can anyone know the true heart of an African man and how to please him?
The African man is like any other man. Prophet Jeremiah gives us an insight into the heart of man (human being) when he says: “the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings” (Jer 17:9-10). Sociology and psychology all tell us that man is a round character. That is; he changes with his setting, religion or education. Thus man like any other human being has a mind that mutates. That is why Africans in Diaspora who knew that seeing a naked woman was tantamount to a curse can now frequent strip clubs because they live in the West where sex is eaten and drunk anywhere and anytime.
Therefore, it is preposterous for anyone to pretend they can know the heart of the African man talk less of the human being. There could be attempts to decipher his traits and formulate a pattern but to know him per se and predict his next move is left for God to decide. People who have deceived themselves that they could envisage other human beings by dating for long soon realize that even those who are married are sometimes baffled by the action of their spouses. That is the unpredictable nature of the human being. By implication, you cannot know the true heart of an African man. But then why is he so prideful yet so needy.
The purdah of the woman assimilated into the African man though he grew up in a society that was not male chauvinistic until the advent of colonization because before it occurred, women had ruled in Africa. Erroneously foreign women have stigmatized the African man as being polygynous and domineering. Perhaps it is worth reminding these women that the African society was even the first to give a woman the right to lead in a public arena than other civilizations. Examples are the Modjadji V of South Africa traditionally called the Rain Queens who were leading their villages long before feminism even showed its marriage breaking head world wide. If a man is fractious it is not because of where he comes from but what is in his heart.
I don’t want to quibble in trying to submit an answer why African men are needy. They appear needy because they turn to think that the western society (that is seated on everyone for himself God for us all) shares the same principle of community where one has to share their problems with their spouse or friend. By sharing everyone sees their needs. At the same time, they would not find it problematic if their partner asked them for help. Rather they would be offended if she went to the bank to ask for a loan rather than ask him for help first. That is because they are CARING.
What truly makes an African man to fall in love is the same reason that makes any other man to fall in love. Men are easily influenced by pulchritude without before the one within. Thus the reasons vary from man to man. But then falling in love is one thing and keeping that love is another thing.
There is just one way of pleasing the African man like any other man and that is by being a helpmeet and not a histrionic queen to him. This entails emotional, economical, physical and societal support. The thing today is that while most women have won the feminist battles they have lost the bliss of relationships and now live gelid and lachrymose marriages with the African man that wants to love them.
If any woman would treat the African man just as he is then she would be nonpareil to any other woman and his love will flow like a rivulet and their connubiality a foretaste of heaven. He will genuflect even to your shadow, your cornucopia according to his means, will erase your name from the list of gadabouts and your cockaigne would move from revelry to reality. Is that still the African man you are talking about? You ask. Yes, I mean the African man you treat like a milksop and popinjay. The African man you see is an Arcanum. Give him your all and he will be your myrmidon and the world would think he took your philter. Are you ready?
Until then; the African man is just another man.
Prince & PA Hamilton Ayuk